Best Funny Riddles

1. A doctor and a boy were fishing. The boy was the doctor’s son, but the doctor was not the boy’s father. Who was the doctor? His mother
2. A farmer has twenty sheep, ten pigs, and ten cows. If we call the pigs cows, how many cows will he have? Ten cows. We can call the pigs cows, but it doesn’t make them cows.
3. A girl fell off a 15-foot ladder, but she wasn't hurt—why? She fell off the bottom step.
4. A girl has as many brothers as sisters, but each brother has only half as many brothers as sisters. How many brothers and sisters are there in the family? Four sisters and three brothers
5. A little girl goes to the store and buys one dozen eggs. As she is going home, all but three break. How many eggs are left unbroken? Three
6. A man and a dog were going down the street. The man rode, yet walked. What was the dog’s name? Yet
7. A man crosses a river without using a bridge and without getting wet—how is that possible? The river was frozen.
8. A man describes his daughters, saying, “They are all blonde, but two; all brunette but two; and all redheaded but two.” How many daughters does he have? Three: A blonde, a brunette and a redhead
9. A man dies of old age on his 25 birthday. How is this possible? He was born on February 29.
10. A man looks at a painting in a museum and says, “Brothers and sisters I have none, but that man’s father is my father’s son.” Who is in the painting? The man’s son
11. A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn. He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat. He could only take one across at a time. He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn. How did he get them all safely over the stream? He took the goose over first and came back. Then, he took the fox across and brought the goose back. Next, he took the corn over. He came back alone and took the goose.
12. A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright, sunny day.
13. A man who was outside in the rain without an umbrella or hat didn’t get a single hair on his head wet. Why? He was bald.
14. A word I know, six letters it contains, remove one letter and 12 remains. What is it? Dozens
15. Almost everyone needs it, asks for it, and gives it, but almost nobody takes it. What is it? Advice
16. David’s parents have three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what’s the name of the third son? David
17. Did you hear about Santa going bankrupt? He was Nickel-lous.
18. Did you hear about Santa’s sunburn? Now he’s Krisp Kringle.
19. Did you hear about the snowman who got in trouble? He was on thin ice.
20. During what month do people sleep the least? February. It’s the shortest month!
21. Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not. What am I? The word “not”
22. Four legs up, four legs down, soft in the middle, hard all around. What am I? A bed.
23. How did Santa get lost on Christmas Eve? He was mis-sled.
24. How do elves get around at the North Pole? In minivans.
25. How do snowmen eat their cupcakes? With frosting.
26. How do snowmen say goodbye? They say, "Have an ice day!"
27. How do you catch a school of fish? With a bookworm.
28. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
29. How do you know when Santa’s around? You can sense his presents.
30. How do you spell candy in 2 letters? C and Y.
31. How does a bee get to school? On a buzz!
32. How does Santa stop from getting sick? He gets a flue shot.
33. How far can a fox run into a grove? Only halfway—then he’s running out of it!
34. How long should a reindeer’s legs be? Long enough to reach the ground.
35. How many animals did Moses take on the ark? Moses didn’t take anything on the ark. Noah did!
36. How many bananas can you eat if your stomach is empty? Just one—after that, it’s not empty anymore.
37. How many times can you subtract the number two from the number fifty? Once. After that you’re subtracting it from 48.
38. How much does it cost to park Santa’s sleigh? Eight bucks.
39. I add six to eleven and get five—how can this be correct? When it is 11 a.m., adding six hours makes it 5 p.m.
40. I am a word of letters three; add two and fewer there will be. What word am I? Few
41. I am a word that begins with the letter “i.” If you add the letter “a” to me, I become a new word with a different meaning, but that sounds exactly the same. What word am I? Isle (add “a” to make “aisle”)
42. I am always hungry and will die if not fed, but whatever I touch will soon turn red. What am I? Fire
43. I am an odd number; take away a letter and I become even—so what number am I? Seven.
44. I am an odd number. Take away a letter and I become even. What number am I? Seven
45. I am an odd number. Take away a letter and I become even. What number am I? Seven.
46. I am the beginning of everything, the end of everywhere. I'm the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space. What am I? Also the letter “e”
47. I follow you all the time and copy your every move, but you can’t touch me or catch me. What am I? Your shadow
48. I follow you all the time and copy your every move, but you can’t touch me or catch me. What am I? Your shadow.
49. I give milk and I have a horn, but I’m not a cow. What am I? A milk truck.
50. I have a neck but no head, and I wear a cap. What am I? A bottle.
51. I have branches, but no fruit, trunk or leaves. What am I? A bank
52. I have hundreds of wheels, but move I do not. Call me what I am; call me a lot. What am I? A parking lot.
53. I have lakes with no water, mountains with no stone and cities with no buildings. What am I? A map
54. I have no doors but I have keys, I have no rooms but I have space, you can enter but you can’t leave! What am I? A keyboard
55. I have no legs. I will never walk but always run. What am I? A river.
56. I have wings, I am able to fly, I'm not a bird yet I soar high in the sky. What am I? An airplane.
57. I make a loud sound when I’m changing. When I do change, I get bigger but weigh less. What am I? Popcorn.
58. I shave every day, but my beard stays the same. What am I? A barber
59. I Start with M, end with X, and have a never-ending amount of letters. What am I? A mailbox
60. I travel all around the world but always stay in the corner. What am I? A stamp
61. I travel all around the world, but never leave the corner. What am I? A stamp.
62. I turn once, what is out will not get in. I turn again, what is in will not get out. What am I? A key
63. I usually follow you and copy your every move, yet you can never touch me or catch me—what am I? Your shadow.
64. I'm always on the dinner table, but you don't get to eat me—what am I? Plates and silverware
65. I'm found in socks, scarves and mittens; and often in the paws of playful kittens—what am I? Yarn.
66. I'm tall when I'm young, and I'm short when I'm old. What am I? A candle
67. I’m found in socks, scarves and mittens; and often in the paws of playful kittens. What am I? Yarn
68. I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I? Your breath
69. I’m on the Christmas table, but you can’t eat me. What am I? The dishes.
70. I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old. What am I? A candle
71. I’m tall when I’m young, short when I’m old. What am I? A candle.
72. If six children and two dogs were under an umbrella, how come none of them got wet? Because it wasn’t raining.
73. If there are three apples and you take away two, how many apples do you have? You have two apples.
74. If two’s company, and three’s a crowd, what are four and five? Nine
75. If you drop me I’m sure to crack, but give me a smile and I’ll always smile back. What am I? A mirror
76. If you're running in a race and you pass the person in second place, what place are you in? Second place.
77. If you’re running in a race and you pass the person in second place, what place are you in? Second place
78. If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I? A secret
79. It belongs to you, but other people use it more than you do. What is it? Your name
80. It stalks the countryside with ears that can’t hear. What is it? Corn
81. Mary has four daughters, and each of her daughters has a brother. How many children does Mary have? Five—each daughter has the same brother.
82. Mr. Blue lives in the blue house. Mr. Yellow lives in the yellow house. Mr. Black lives in the black house. Who lives in the white house? The president!
83. Other than Rudolph, which one of Santa’s reindeer doesn’t have an “e” in their name? Cupid.
84. People make me, save me, change me, raise me. What am I? Money
85. Riddle. What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it? A promise
86. Speaking of rivers, a man calls his dog from the opposite side of the river. The dog crosses the river without getting wet, and without using a bridge or boat. How? The river was frozen.
87. The day before yesterday I was 21, and next year I will be 24. When is my birthday? December 31; today is January 1.
88. The more of this there is, the less you see. What is it? Darkness
89. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they? Footsteps
90. The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they? Footsteps.
91. The person who makes it has no need of it; the person who buys it has no use for it. The person who uses it can neither see nor feel it. What is it? A coffin
92. There's a one-story house where everything is yellow: The walls are yellow; the doors are yellow; even all the furniture is yellow; the house has yellow beds and yellow couches—so what color are the stairs? There aren't any stairs—it's a one-story house.
93. There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs? There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.
94. Three doctors said that Bill was their brother. Bill says he has no brothers. How many brothers does Bill actually have? None. He has three sisters.
95. Tricky Christmas brainteasers with answersWhich is faster hot or cold? Hot because it’s much easier to catch cold.
96. Two fathers and two sons are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car. How? They are a grandfather, father and son.
97. Two in a corner, one in a room, zero in a house, but one in a shelter. What is it? The letter “r”
98. Two moms and two daughters are in a car, yet there are only three people in the car—how is that possible? They are a grandma, mom, and daughter.
99. What 2 things can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch and dinner.
100. What 4-letter word can be written forward, backward or upside down, and can still be read from left to right? NOON
101. What always comes into a house through the keyhole? A key
102. What begins with an "e" and only contains one letter? An envelope
103. What begins with an e and only contains one letter? An envelope.
104. What belongs to you but is used more by others? Your name
105. What breaks yet never falls, and what falls yet never breaks? Day, and night
106. What building has the most stories? The library
107. What can fill a room but takes up no space? Light
108. What can make the octopus laugh? Ten tickles (tentacles)!
109. What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps? A river
110. What can travel all around the world without leaving its corner? A stamp
111. What can you catch, but not throw? A cold
112. What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right? Your right elbow
113. What can you keep after giving to someone? Your word
114. What can’t be put in a saucepan? It’s lid
115. What can’t talk but will reply when spoken to? An echo
116. What comes at the end of Christmas? The letter “s.”
117. What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years? The letter M
118. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
119. What did one Christmas tree say to the other? I pine for you.
120. What did one Santa hat say to the other? You go on ahead.
121. What did one snow globe say to the other? I feel a little shaken.
122. What did one snowbank say to the other? You get my drift?
123. What did one snowman say to the other? "Do you smell carrots?"
124. What did one snowman say to the other? I only have ice for you.
125. What did one snowman say to the other? You’re cool.
126. What did Santa say after Christmas? That about wraps it up.
127. What did the mom tomato say to the dawdling baby tomato? “Ketchup.”
128. What did the triangle say to the circle? You are pointless.
129. What do baby reindeer call their mothers? Mommy Deer-ist.
130. What do cats wish each other around the holidays? A Happy Mew Year.
131. What do elves do after school? Gnomework.
132. What do elves learn in kindergarten? The elf-abet.
133. What do gingerbread men use to make their beds? Cookie sheets.
134. What do reindeer do if they lose their tail? Go retail shopping.
135. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted flakes.
136. What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.
137. What do snowmen wear to work? Snowsuits.
138. What do they call break time at the North Pole? A Santa pause.
139. What do you call a cat who gives you presents? Santa paws.
140. What do you call a chihuahua in the summer? A hot dog!
141. What do you call a glove that’s always in trouble? Bad mitten.
142. What do you call a reindeer that likes to swim? Bob.
143. What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor!
144. What do you call a snowman on rollerskates? A snowmobile.
145. What do you call a two-legged reindeer? Eileen.
146. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
147. What do you get when you cross a tortoise and a bird? A turtle dove.
148. What do you get when you cross a vampire and snowman? Frostbite.
149. What do you get when you cross Santa Claus and a duck? A Christmas quacker.
150. What does a house wear? Ad-dress.
151. What does December have that no other month has? The letter “d.”
152. What does man love more than life, hate more than death or mortal strife; that which contented men desire; the poor have, the rich require; the miser spends, the spendthrift saves, and all men carry to their graves? Nothing
153. What does Santa plant in the fall? Christmas bulbs.
154. What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short
155. What fruit can you never cheer up? A blueberry.
156. What gets bigger when more is taken away? A hole
157. What gets wet while drying? A towel
158. What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries? A towel
159. What goes “ho, ho, ho, plop?" Santa laughing his head off.
160. What goes through cities and fields, but never moves? A road
161. What goes up and down but doesn’t move? A staircase
162. What goes up but never comes down? Your age
163. What goes up but never goes down? Your age.
164. What happens when snowmen get mad? They give you the cold shoulder.
165. What has 13 hearts but no other organs? A deck of playing cards
166. What has 13 hearts, but no other organs? A deck of cards
167. What has a bottom at the top? Your legs
168. What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs? A clock.
169. What has a head and a tail but no body? A coin
170. What has a thumb and four fingers, but is not a hand? A glove
171. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck
172. What has hands but doesn’t clap? A clock.
173. What has hands, but can't clap? A clock.
174. What has legs, but doesn’t walk? A table
175. What has lots of eyes, but can’t see? A potato
176. What has many keys but can’t open a single lock? A piano
177. What has many keys but can’t open any doors? A piano.
178. What has many needles, but doesn’t sew? A Christmas tree
179. What has many teeth, but can’t bite? A comb
180. What has one eye, but can’t see? A needle
181. What has one head, one foot and four legs? A bed
182. What has to be broken before you can use it? An egg
183. What has words, but never speaks? A book
184. What invention lets you look right through a wall? A window.
185. What is 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 2/4 goat? Chicago
186. What is a Christmas tree's favorite candy? Orna-mints.
187. What is always in front of you but can’t be seen? The future
188. What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty? A chalkboard
189. What is cut on a table, but is never eaten? A deck of cards
190. What is full of holes but still holds water? A sponge
191. What is full of holes but still holds water? A sponge.
192. What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air? A centipede on its back!
193. What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
194. What is orange in color, green on top, and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
195. What is so fragile that saying its name breaks it? Silence.
196. What is the end of everything? The letter “g”
197. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce? A snowball.
198. What kind of band never plays music? A rubber band
199. What kind of beans won't grow in your garden, but you can find them on Easter? Jelly beans.
200. What kind of bikes do snowmen ride? Icicles.
201. What kind of bunny is cute and brown but can't hop? A chocolate bunny.
202. What kind of coat is always wet when you put it on? A coat of paint
203. What kind of coat is best put on wet? A coat of paint
204. What kind of insect sings Christmas carols? A humbug.
205. What kind of murderer is full of fiber? A cereal killer.
206. What kind of music does Santa listen to when he fishes? A Christmas song that’s real catchy.
207. What kind of music does Santa listen to? Wrap music.
208. What kind of person can only live outdoors? A snowman.
209. What kind of photos do elves take? Elfies.
210. What kind of room has no doors or windows? A Mushroom
211. What kind of running leads to walking? Running out of gas!
212. What month of the year has 28 days? All of them
213. What question can you never answer yes to? Are you asleep?
214. What rock group consists of four famous men, but none of them sing? Mount Rushmore.
215. What runs all around a backyard, yet never moves? A fence
216. What should you say to a stressed-out snowman? Chill out!
217. What tastes better than it smells? Your tongue
218. What three numbers, none of which is zero, give the same result whether they’re added or multiplied? One, two and three
219. What type of music do rabbits listen to? Hip hop!
220. What was Santa’s favorite subject in school? Chemis-tree.
221. What word contains 26 letters but only has three syllables? Alphabet.
222. What word in the English language does the following: The first two letters signify a male, the first three letters signify a female, the first four letters signify a great, while the entire world signifies a great woman. What is the word? Heroine
223. What word is pronounced the same if you take away four of its five letters? Queue
224. What word is spelled wrong in the dictionary? Wrong.
225. What word of five letters has one left when two are removed? Stone
226. What would you find in the middle of Toronto? The letter “o”
227. What's really easy to get into and hard to get out of? The time-out chair
228. What's red, white and blue during Christmastime? A sad candy cane.
229. What’s a parent’s favorite Christmas carol? “Silent Night.”
230. What’s the coldest month of the year? Decem-brrrrr
231. What’s the hardest thing about learning to skate? The ice.
232. When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? In the dictionary.
233. When Jack was 8, his brother was half his age; now, Jack is 14; how old is his brother? His brother is 10.
234. When things go wrong, what can you always count on? Your fingers.
235. Where do reindeer go for coffee? Star-bucks.
236. Where do Santa and Mrs. Claus vote? At the North Poll.
237. Where do snowmen go to dance? To a snowball.
238. Where do snowmen put their money? Snowbanks.
239. Where does one wall meet the other wall? On the corner
240. Where does Santa go to find his reindeer on Christmas Eve? It depends on where he left them.
241. Where does Santa store his suit? In the Claus-et.
242. Where does today come before yesterday? The dictionary
243. Where would you take a sick boat? To the dock.
244. Which fish costs the most? Answer. A goldfish!
245. Which fish is the most expensive? A goldfish
246. Which is heavier: a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? Neither, because they both weigh a ton.
247. Which of Santa’s reindeer has the worst manners? Rude-olph.
248. Which of Santa’s reindeer is the fastest? Dasher.
249. Which one of Santa's reindeer is the fastest? Dasher.
250. Which one of Santa’s reindeer can you see in outer space? Comet.
251. Which reindeer prefers Valentine’s Day to Christmas? Cupid.
252. Which season is the best? Winter because it’s way cooler than the others.
253. Which two letters describe a snow-covered road? “I” and “C.”
254. Who says “oh, oh, oh?” Santa when he's walking backwards.
255. Why are As like flowers? Because Bs come after them!
256. Why are snowmen good secret-keepers? They don’t snow and tell.
257. Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they are always stuffed.
258. Why can’t Christmas trees stand up on their own? They don’t have legs.
259. Why can’t Santa Claus take a shower? Because he has Noel.
260. Why couldn’t Santa’s elf pay rent? He was a little short.
261. Why did Santa buy a self-help book? He had low elf-esteem.
262. Why did Santa plant a garden? He likes to ho, ho, ho.
263. Why did Santa put his bed in the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
264. Why did Santa throw a clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
265. Why did the Christmas cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crumby.
266. Why did the doctor say when Santa had a sore throat?You’ve got tinsel-itis.
267. Why did the fly never land on the computer? He was afraid of the world wide web.
268. Why did the girl put ice cubes in her aunt’s socks? She wanted to make antifreeze.
269. Why did the girl wear loud Christmas socks? She didn’t want her feet to fall asleep.
270. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it was full of problems.
271. Why did the reindeer cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off.
272. Why did the reindeer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
273. Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.
274. Why did the snowman buy a bag of carrots? He wanted to pick his nose.
275. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing? Because they put on the salsa.
276. Why did the turkey skip Christmas dinner? It was stuffed.
277. Why did Tigger go to the bathroom? He wanted to find his friend, Pooh!
278. Why do bees stay inside during the winter? Swarm.
279. Why does Santa bring an extra pair of pants when he golfs? In case he gets a hole in one.
280. Why don’t Christmas trees knit? Because they keep dropping their needles.
281. Why don’t lobsters give Christmas presents? They’re shellfish.
282. Why is a broken drum the best Christmas gift to give? You just can’t beat it.
283. Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
284. Why is Santa always cold? He’s got millions of fans.
285. Why is Santa so good at karate? He’s got a black belt.
286. Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football agent? Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
287. Why is the alphabet one letter short during the holidays? Noel.
288. Why shouldn’t you tell jokes while standing on ice? You don't want it to crack up.
289. With pointed fangs I sit and wait; with piercing force I crunch out fate; grabbing victims, proclaiming might; physically joining with a single bite. What am I? A stapler
290. You can only see me when it’s cold outside. What am I?Your breath.
291. You place a skirt around my bottom once I've been chopped. On the other end, a star or angel is how I get topped. What am I? A Christmas tree
292. You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible? All the people on the boat are married.
293. You see me once in June, twice in November and not at all in May. What am I? The letter “e”
294. You walk into a room that contains a match, a kerosene lamp, a candle and a fireplace. What would you light first? The match
295. You will buy me to eat but never eat me. What am I? A plate.
296. Your mother’s brother’s only brother-in-law is asleep on your couch. Who is asleep on your couch? Your father