Cat Jokes

1. What kind of jungle cat is no fun to play games with? A cheetah.
2. Why are cats so good at video games? Because they have nine lives.
3. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse.
4. What do you call a cat wearing shoes? Puss in boots.
5. Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
6. Why do cats always get their way? They make a purr-suasive case.
7. What do you call a cat that’s in trouble with the police? A purr-petrator.
8. What kind of sports cars do cats drive? Fur-arris.

Best Animal Jokes

1. Animal
2. A pony went to see the doctor, because it couldn't speak. I know what's wrong, said the doctor. You're a little horse
3. I lost my dog today, So put an ad in the paper. Bob: What good would that do? My dog can't read
4. Knock, knock. Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? No, Kanga-roo
5. What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? Should we walk home or take a dog?
6. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison
7. What do cats have for breakfast? Mice Crispies
8. What do ducks watch on TV? Duck-umentaries
9. What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost
10. What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
11. What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador
12. What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear
13. What do you call a parrot when it has dried itself after a bath? Polly unsaturated
14. What do you call an alligator who is a thief? A crookodile
15. What do you call an alligator who solves mysteries? An investgator
16. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad
17. What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? Shear madness.
18. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk
19. What do you get when you cross a chicken with a cow? Roost beef
20. What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog? A rocker spaniel
21. What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower
22. What do you get when you put three ducks in a box? A box of quackers
23. What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic? His bark was much worse than his bite
24. What happens to a toad's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
25. What is a cat's favorite song? Three Blind Mice
26. What is a dog's favorite city? New Yorkie
27. What is more amazing than a talking dog? A spelling bee
28. What is the difference between a cat that got photocopied and a cat that follows you? One is a cat copy; the other is a copycat
29. What kind of ant is even bigger than an elephant? A gi-ant
30. What kind of ties do pigs wear? Pig sties
31. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
32. What steps do you take if you a tiger is running towards you? Big ones
33. What to rabbits eat for breakfast? IHOP.
34. What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon.
35. What's a frog's favorite soda? Croak-a-Cola
36. What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night
37. What's the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish
38. What's the most musical part of a chicken? The drumstick
39. Where did the cow want to go on Friday night? To the moo-vies
40. Where did the sheep go on vacation? The Baaaa-hamas
41. Which kinds of snakes are found on cars? Windshield vipers
42. Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
43. Why are elephants never rich? Because they work for peanuts
44. Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool? They kept dropping their trunks
45. Why do birds fly south in the winter? Because it's too far to walk
46. Why do cows like being told jokes? Because they like being a-moosed
47. Why do pandas like old movies? Because they play in black-and-white.
48. Where do mice park their boats? At the hickory dickory dock.
49. What do you call an alligator with a spyglass? An investigator.
50. Where did the sheep go on vacation? The Baaaahamas.
51. What’s black and white and blue? A depressed zebra.
52. What did the judge say when the skunk came into his courtroom? Odor in the court
53. What day do chickens fear the most? Fry-days.
54. How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away their credit cards.
55. Who stole the soap out of the bathtub? The robber ducky.
56. What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck? Firequackers
57. What has fangs and webbed feet? Count Duckula.
58. What was the goal of the detective duck? To quack the case, of course.
59. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad.
60. Why did the elephant stay in the airport? They were waiting for their trunk.
61. What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn
62. What did the duck say when buying lipstick? Put it on my bill.
63. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. Buildings can’t jump.
64. Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
65. What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? Should we walk home or take a dog?
66. A pony went to see the doctor because it couldn’t speak. I know what’s wrong, said the doctor. You’re a little horse.
67. Why do cows like being told jokes? Because they like being a-moosed
68. Bob lost his dog today, so he put an ad in the paper. Then his wife said, What good would that do? Our dog can’t read.
69. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch.
70. There were 10 cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many are left? None, because they were copycats.
71. How do bees get to school? They take the school buzz.
72. Why are teddy bears never hungry? They're always stuffed.
73. How do you fit more pigs on your farm? You build a sty-scraper.
74. What kind of snake would you find on your car? A windshield viper.
75. When do dragons go after they retire? The hall of flame.
76. Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other ssssssside
77. Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
78. How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
79. What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An eggroll
80. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon
81. What did the buffalo say to his son when he went away on a trip? Bison
82. What fish only swims at night? A starfish
83. Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
84. What do you call a cow that won’t give milk? A milk dud.
85. How do bees get to school? They take the school buzz.

Cow Jokes

1. Why was the cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
2. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
3. What do you call a cow that just had a baby? Decalfinated.
4. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
5. Where do milkshakes come from? Nervous cows.
6. What do you call a sleeping cow? A bull-dozer.
7. What do you get if you cross a chicken and a cow? A roost beef.
8. What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out.
9. What goes ooo ooo oo? A cow with no lips.
10. What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? It’s pasture bedtime.

Dog Jokes

1. What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary? Take the words out of his mouth
2. How do you say bye-bye to a curly-haired dog? Poodle-oo.
3. What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Ruff
4. Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet.
5. What happens when it rains cats and dogs? I don’t know, but you can step in a poodle.
6. Why are dogs like phones? Because they have collar IDs.
7. What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
8. Why don’t dogs make good dancers? Because they have two left feet.

Fish Jokes

1. Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze.
2. What do you call a thieving alligator? A crook-o-dile.
3. What do fish do at football games? They wave.
4. Where do fish sleep? On a water bed.
5. Why did the fish blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
6. What does a fish do in a crisis? Sea-kelp.
7. OK, that’s enough fish puns. It’s time to scale back.

Joke category 2

1. What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup
2. What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
3. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
4. How do horses stay in such great shape? They keep a stable diet.
5. What does the horse say when the bartender greets him by saying hey? You read my mind
6. What kind of computers do horses use? Macintosh.