Computer Puns

1. Do you know the band 1023 megabytes? They haven’t had a gig yet.
2. How did the computer get out of the house? He used windows.
3. How do lumberjacks shut down their computers? They log off.
4. How do trees get on a computer? They just log in.
5. How do you make a Holy Computer? You upgrade the hell out of it.
6. How does a computer learn something new? Bit by bit.
7. How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that’s a hardware issue.
8. What did one computer say to the other after a 12 hour car ride? Darn, that was a hard drive.
9. What did the processor say when it was being overclocked? Stop it! It hertz so much.
10. What do computers do on a beach vacation? Surf the net.
11. What do you call it when a computer does something daily? A da-ta day routine.
12. What do you get if you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of Memory.
13. What do you get when you cross a dog and a computer? A machine that has a bark worse than its byte.
14. What does a computer programmer wear? Whatever is in the dress code.
15. What does a shark and a computer have in common? They both have megabites.
16. What does Steve Jobs like to order from McDonald’s? A big Mac.
17. What is a computer’s favorite animal? A RAM.
18. What kind of dogs do programmers have? Computer Labs.
19. What you call it when computer programmers make fun of each other? Cyber boolean.
20. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
21. What’s it called when it takes you a while to find RAM for your computer? Short-term memory loss.
22. Where did the computer go? I don’t know, he ransomware.
23. Where do computers keep their money? In a data bank.
24. Where do naughty disk drives get sent? Boot camp.
25. Which way did the programmer go? He went data way.
26. Who chases computer criminals? A hacker-tracker
27. Who is a computer’s favorite singer? A Dell.
28. Why are people afraid of computers? They byte.
29. Why are spiders so good at the internet? They know all the good web sites.
30. Why can’t elephants use computers? Because they’re scared of the mouse.
31. Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
32. Why did the computer crash? It was a hard drive.
33. Why did the computer cross the road? To get a byte to eat
34. Why did the computer programmer’s girlfriend leave him? He had problems committing.
35. Why did the computer spy get fired? She couldn’t hack it.
36. Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road? To get to the other slide.
37. Why did the Wi-Fi and the computer get married? Because they had a connection.
38. Why do programmers like dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
39. Why do programmers never run the AC? They prefer to open windows.
40. Why do programmers wear glasses? Because they can’t C#.

Best Computer Jokes

1. How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots.
2. What chemical is released in your brain when you see something funny on the computer? Dopameme.
3. What do you call a computer mouse that swears a lot? A cursor.
4. What do you call a computer superhero? A Screen Saver
5. What is similar to windows but can instantly detect the cause of most common computer-problems? A mirror.
6. Where do computers go to dance? The disk-O.
7. Why can’t an IT guy keep a girlfriend? He turns them all off and on again.
8. Why did the computer sneeze? It had a virus.
9. Why do computers wear glasses? To improve their web-sight.
10. Why was the computer so angry? Because it had a chip on its shoulder.

Computer One-Liners

1. A pigeon and a tropical bird were playing on the computer. The pigeon lost. Toucan play that game.
2. Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you’re also the murderer.
3. Don’t use beef stew as a computer password. It’s not stroganoff.
4. I changed my password to incorrect. So, whenever I forget what it is the computer will say Your password is incorrect.
5. I love the smell of my F5 key. It’s very refreshing
6. If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
7. My boss calls me The computer. Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
8. My dog ate my computer science homework. It took him a couple of bytes.
9. My Internet stopped working for 5 minutes. Met my parents. They’re nice people.