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75+ Best Doctor Jokes: Laughing Your Way to Good Health

As the saying goes, laughter is the best medicine. And when it comes to making people laugh, doctor jokes have always been a crowd-pleaser. So, whether you're a healthcare professional or simply someone who loves a good laugh, here are some of the best doctor jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone.

Doctor Puns

  1. How did a banana end up at the emergency room in the hospital? He told the doctors his skin was peeling off.
  2. How does a witch-doctor ask someone to dance? Voodoo like to dance with me?
  3. How is a dance instructor different from a doctor? It all depends on how fluid they need your movements to be.
  4. What did Dracula say to the nurse? Please call the doctor. I can’t stop coffin.
  5. What did the balloon say to the doctor? I feel light headed.
  6. What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it.
  7. What did the doctor recommend when the gingerbread man’s knee was sore? Icing it.
  8. What did the doctor say to the ill guacamole? You need an avoca-dose of medicine.
  9. What did the doctor say to the man who had an elephant sitting on his brain? It looks like you have a lot on your mind.
  10. What did the doctor say to the rocket ship? Time to get your booster shot.
  11. What did the doctor tell the chicken with high cholesterol? Try to lay off eggs for a while.
  12. What did the fisherman do at the doctor’s office after accidentally swallowing some worms? He waited on his diagnosis with baited breath.
  13. What did the grain of salt say to the doctor? Doc I think I tore NACL.
  14. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? Are you seeing any change in me?
  15. What did the nurse say when the doctor asked if she took the patient’s temperature? No, is it missing?
  16. What did the nurse say when the doctor decided to stay home? Suture self.
  17. What did the rope say to the nurse? I have an appointment with the doctor, I have a knot in my stomach.
  18. What did the skeleton doctor say when his patient had a high temperature? I’m afraid you’re running a femur.
  19. What did the vegetarian say to the doctor? I feel good. From my head, tomatoes.
  20. What do you call a deer doctor? A hart surgeon.
  21. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ologist.
  22. What do you call Doctor Strange’s assistant in an elevator? Wong on so many levels.
  23. What doctor also specializes in card games? The cardiologist.
  24. What does the doctor say to an octopus who needs to lose weight? You need to go on a low-crab diet.
  25. What is an Owls favorite TV show? Doctor Hoo.
  26. What is Doctor Strange’s favorite pizza? Sorcerer’s Supreme, It’s cheesy, I know.
  27. What news did the duck get from the doctor? He had a perfect bill of health.
  28. When should you take a Oreo cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy.
  29. Which doctor should you go to if you live underwater? A sturgeon.
  30. Who is the coolest doctor in the hospital? The hip consultant.
  31. Why did the book go to the doctor? Someone broke its spine.
  32. Why did the bucket go the doctor? She was looking a bit pail.
  33. Why did the leg go to the doctor? He had a 102 degree femur.
  34. Why did the library book go to the doctor? It needed to be checked out.
  35. Why did the lime visit the doctor? She wasn’t peeling well.
  36. Why did the mattress go to the doctors? It had a spring fever.
  37. Why did the mole doctor lose his job? Medical mole-practice.
  38. Why did the puzzle piece go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little jig-sore.
  39. Why did the robot ask the nurse to call the doctor immediately? Because it had a virus.
  40. Why did the Rubik’s cube go to the doctor? She was feeling all mixed up.
  41. Why did the shy doctor call his wife a thoracic cavity? Because she kept his heart.
  42. Why did the window go to the doctor? It had a lot of pane.
  43. Why do doctors hate operating on pirates? Because they have crossedbones.
  44. Why do shoes go to the doctors? To be heeled.
  45. Why is a doctor always calm? They have a lot of patients.

Doctor Doctor Jokes

  1. Doctor Doctor, I can’t stop stealing chairs. ‘Please, take a seat.
  2. Doctor, doctor I recently had an accident and lost three fingers on my right hand, will I still be able to write with it?’ ‘Probably! But I wouldn’t count on it.
  3. Doctor, doctor my wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart! Is this her first child? Man: No, this is her husband!
  4. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat. ‘How long has this been going on? ‘Since I was a kid.
  5. Doctor, doctor, I think I am losing my memory! Doctor: When did that happen? When did what happen?
  6. Doctor, doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
  7. Doctor, doctor, I’m going to die in 59 seconds! Hang on, I’ll be there in a minute.
  8. Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation? Yes, of course. Great! I never could before!
  9. Doctor, doctor. My nose runs and my feet smell. I fear you might have been built upside down.
  10. Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do? Use a pencil until I come to see him.

Doctor One-Liners

  1. A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
  2. A man goes to see his doctor with jelly and cream coming out of his ear. The doctor says you’re a trifle deaf.
  3. I thought chiropractors were a big hoax. But I stand corrected.
  4. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. She told me to stop going to those places.
  5. I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
  6. I visited the doctor, and he prescribed me a new diet plan, so I have decided to eat only bagels and donuts from today. My doctor has asked me to eat only hole foods.
  7. I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.
  8. My dermatologist was fired today. I’m told he made too many rash decisions.
  9. My doctor insists that I should reduce my ground beef consumption. So be it, sea cows it is then.
  10. My doctor prescribed me a new medication. It’s called Fukitol. Unfortunately, the pharmacy had none left to give.
  11. My doctor’s a clown. Every time I see him, he tells me that laughter is the best medicine.
  12. The man complains, I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes. The receptionist asks, Have you ever seen a doctor yet? To which the man replies, No, just spots.
  13. Two different doctors worked together on my knee surgery. It was a joint operation.
  14. When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that it’s feeling very hill.
  15. When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents.

Best Doctor Jokes

  1. What did the doctor say to someone who stood on some lego bricks? Just block out the pain.
  2. What did the doctor tell the nurse after he made a mistake on the blood type record? He made a type O.
  3. What did the witch say to the nurse? I need to see doctor, I had a dizzy spell.
  4. What do you call a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples? A guyneckologist
  5. What do you get when a doctor goes back in time to teach himself medicine? A pair o’ docs.
  6. Who are the only people who don’t like doctor puns? People with an irony deficiency.
  7. Why did Friday go to visit a doctor? He was week.
  8. Why did the ghost go to the doctor? He needed a boo-ster shot.
  9. Why did the lemon go to the doctor? It had a sour stomach.
  10. Why do doctors hit your knee? They get a small kick out of it.

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