Funny Family Jokes

1. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
2. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, Why the long face?
3. A termite walks into a bar and says, So, is the bar tender here?
4. Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
5. Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
6. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
7. Has R2-D2 ever had brothers? No, only Transistors.
8. Have you ever heard that Bruce Lee has a vegan brother? His name is Broco Lee.
9. How can you tell it's a dogwood tree? By the bark.
10. How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
11. How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.
12. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
13. How do you make aunty-freeze? Take away her blanket.
14. How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
15. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
16. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
17. How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.
18. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
19. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
20. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
21. I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me.
22. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
23. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
24. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed
25. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
26. Knock, knock. Who's there? Broccoli? Broccoli who? Broccoli doesn't have a last name, silly.
27. Knock, knock. Who's there? Weekend. Weekend who? Weekend do anything we want
28. Knock, knock. Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
29. Knock Knock. Who's there? Isabel. Isabel who? Isabel not working?
30. Knock Knock. Who's there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place we can go get lunch?
31. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watchdogs.
32. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
33. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
34. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
35. What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I'll go on ahead.
36. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me.
37. What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
38. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
39. What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his foot? Mitosis.
40. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
41. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
42. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up
43. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
44. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
45. What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeee
46. What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
47. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.
48. What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick.
49. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
50. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
51. What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.
52. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
53. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
54. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
55. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
56. What do you call an angry French aunt? A crossaunt.
57. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
58. What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
59. What do you say to your sister when she starts crying? Are you having a crisis?
60. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? Dill me in
61. What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.
62. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
63. What three words can solve all of Dad's problems?- Ask your mother.
64. What time did Dad go the dentist? Tooth hurty.
65. What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
66. What's black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
67. What's the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
68. What's the stinkiest planet? Poopiter.
69. What's it called when you have your Grandmother on speed dial? Instagram.
70. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's pretty heavy and the other's a little lighter.
71. Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
72. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
73. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch cold.
74. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
75. Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? She wanted to rock and roll.
76. Why did Grandpa fall in a well? Because he couldn't see that well
77. Why did the brother strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam
78. Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
79. Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
80. Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
81. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
82. Why do mama kangaroos hate rainy days? Because their kids have to play inside.
83. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
84. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
85. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.
86. Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
87. Why don't we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're really good at it.
88. Why is a computer so smart? It listens to its motherboard.
89. Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.
90. Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.