Fisherman Jokes

1. What did the fisherman say to his friend while fishing? He was feeling fin-tastic.
2. What did the fisherman say to the other fisherman? Let minnow if you get any.
3. What did the fisherman want? A gillfriend.
4. What kind of musical instrument can a fisherman easily play? Ac-cod-ian.
5. Where do fishermen go to get their hair cut? To the bobber shop.

Jokes for Kids

1. What do you think is a pirate's favorite fish? Swordfish.
2. What would you call a fish wearing a tie? So-fish-ticated.
3. Why are fish boots so warm? They have electric eels
4. How do you get an oyster to the hospital? In a clam-bulance
5. How does an octopus go to war? Well-armed
6. What do maps and fish have in common? They both have scales
7. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
8. What do you call a fish with a tie? So-FISH-ticated
9. What do you call a fish without an eye? Fsh
10. What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
11. What's the musical part of a fish? The scales
12. Why don't oysters share their pearls? They're shellfish
13. Knock-knock. Who's there? Fish. Fish who? Bless you
14. Knock, knock. Who's there? Artie Fish. Artie Fish who? Artie Fish-el Intelligence.
15. How do fish find their way in the dark? They follow the light tuna.
16. What game show do fish love the most? Name that tuna
17. What's better than a tuna sandwich? A three-na sandwich

Jellyfish Jokes

1. Have you heard the one about the jellyfish? It's a real no-brainer.
2. What car does a jellyfish drive? Invertible.
3. What is the most envious fish? The jelly-fish.
4. What language do jellyfish speak? Gelatin.

Fish One-Liners

1. Game warden: Didn't you see the no-fishing sign, son? Boy: I'm not fishing, sir. I'm teaching these worms how to swim.
2. I am alive without breath and cold as death. I am never thirsty but always drinking. What am I? Fish.
3. I have always admired fishermen. They are reel men.
4. I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
5. So I started this new underwater band-project. I hope you guys like aquapella.
6. There was a massive fight today at the fish restaurant. One fish got battered
7. There was a sale today at the fish market. I went to see what the catch was.
8. Two fish swam into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says Dam

Salmon Jokes

1. What do you call a religious fish poem? A Psalmon.
2. What do you call a Salmon that sets a good example? A roe model.
3. What happens when you put Nutella on salmon? You get salmonella.
4. What is a fish's favorite game? Salmon Says
5. Why don't salmon watch cable television? They prefer streams.

Fish Puns

1. Ahh guys, you're krilling me now
2. All I sea are bass-icaly cod awful puns
3. Any fin is possible, just don't trout yourself
4. Anyone else want to rise to the bait?
5. Are you trying to gill-t me into thinking of a better pun?
6. Can you do any betta than this?
7. Cod I borrow you for a few minutes?
8. Cod that was bad, eely bad
9. Cod this be any punnier?
10. Cod you pass me the salt?
11. Crayfish were offended by the publication of Eat Cray Love because they felt the lack of punctuation might send the wrong message.
12. Create your own fish pun, don't leave it to salmon else.
13. Dear Cod, I laughed so hard
14. DJ's aren't allowed to work at fish markets because they're always dropping the bass.
15. Don't listen to them, I think you're fin-tastic
16. Fish children should piscine and not heard.
17. Fishcious rumors.
18. Have you heard the fisherman's anthem? Osetra can you sea by the dolphin fish bite…
19. Have you thought of a fish pun yet, or do you need some time to mullet over?
20. He really schooled you then.
21. Hey, would you mind letting minnow what you think about this one?
22. Hoping to avoid turtle disaster.
23. How did the guppies get to the hospital? In a clambulance.
24. How did the mollusk get into college? On a scallopship.
25. How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb? One, but you should have seen the bulb, it was THIS big.
26. How many tickles will it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
27. How's the calamari? Why, it's ex-squid-sit, thank you.
28. I feel great every day of the week, barramundi.
29. I really believe that to the bottom of my sole.
30. I think you're fintastic.
31. I won't be cod dead participating in this.
32. I would make him walk the plankton for that.
33. I'd make him walk the plankton for that.
34. I'll bait these puns can't go on for much longer.
35. I'm hooked
36. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard plaice now
37. I'm waiting for someone else to mussel in on this now.
38. If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow
39. If you think of a betta pun, be sure to drop us a line.
40. If you're going for roe-mance, then you'll want to consider the caviar.
41. Isn't it a bit misleading to call thinly sliced raw beef carp-accio?
42. It's a great oppor-tuna-ty
43. It's funny how fish never seem to know what you're talking aboat.
44. Just like the tunafish sandwich said, I've got a feeling we're not in cans-us anymore.
45. Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
46. Lobsters would get along a lot better with the other shellfish if they weren't always trying to lobster things up.
47. Most fish will tell you they like their food cold, and their bait a little worm.
48. My dad was a fisherman, but he quit because his net income wasn't enough.
49. Never fall in love with a blowfish. You'll always get re-puffed.
50. Never trust unlicensed puns always check they're o-fish-al.
51. Never try to talk to a fish before they've caf-fin-ated.
52. Not bad, cod do better…
53. Oh for Gods hake, not another fish pun.
54. Oh, for heavens hake
55. Or you're so sofishticated
56. Paci-fish-ts don't believe in the notion of man o' war.
57. Perch-ance, is this seat taken?
58. Seems a bit fishy to me.
59. Some people don't like fish puns, but they are kraken me up
60. Sorry, my attempt at a joke was a pile of carp.
61. Speaking of being jelly, tunas were really miffed about the whole salmon-ella thing.
62. Stop carping on; you're giving me a haddock.
63. Sure, but fishing for compliments is never becoming.
64. Surfing the net is great, unless, of course, you're a fish.
65. That fish is rich and famous, but she's still Jenny from the had-dock.
66. That fish is so classy, it's like he's so-fish-ticated.
67. That's the thing about squids…they ink too much.
68. The first book of the fish bible is called Craytion.
69. The thing about calamari is you can never tell when it's just squidding.
70. The thing salmons don't like about tunas is everything's a big sea-cret.
71. These days they let pretty much anyone o-fish-iate at weddings, as long as they have a certificate from the net.
72. This is a big issue a-monk fishermen.
73. This is going to get a-trout-cious real quick
74. This is neither the time, nor the plaice for this.
75. Tuna in next time for the funniest animal memes.
76. We all just need to clam down now; I'm a bit shell shocked.
77. We should dolphinitely scale back on the fish puns.
78. We whaley need to stop now
79. We, the jury, find this site gill-ty of too many fish puns
80. We're swimming along nicely.
81. Well, it's oh-fish-ial.
82. What a load of pollocks
83. What did one fish say to the other? Keep your mouth shut and you won't get caught.
84. What did you think of the series fin-ale? Well, it wasn't the bass-ed.
85. What do fish use for money? Sand dollars
86. What do you call a crayfish with a messy room? A slobster
87. What do you call a fancy fish? So-fish-ticated
88. What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A Sturgeon.
89. What do you call a fish who practices medicine? A sturgeon
90. What do you call a fish with lots of money? A goldfish.
91. What do you call a group of singing fish? A choral reef.
92. What do you call a man and a woman who own a fishing store? Rod and Annette.
93. What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? Swimming trunks.
94. What is a pirate's favorite fish? A swordfish.
95. What is the easiest way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it to you.
96. What kind of guitar do fish play? Bass
97. What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air? A seahorse
98. What kind of music should you listen to while fishing? Something with a good tune-a
99. What type of music should you listen to whilst fishing? Something catchy.
100. What's this fish pun website you've been herring all about?
101. When a fish meets the love of their life, they say they've met the gill of my dreams.
102. When another fish tries to make you think you're cray-zy, tell them to stop bass-lighting.
103. When belugas have a lot on their mind, they're said to be beluga-ed.
104. When I grow up, I want to a bass-tro-physicist.
105. When jellyfish act catty, it's only because they're jelly.
106. When your fish boss is watching, you'd better look e-fish-ent.
107. Where can you find a fish in orbit? Trouter space
108. Where do fish go on vacation? Finland
109. Who grants fishes' wishes? A fairy cod mother
110. Who will be the sole survivor?
111. Why aren't there every any job openings at the fish company? They've been scaling back.
112. Why is fishing such good business? The net profits.
113. You Betta believe it.
114. You better not, or you'll feel my wrasse
115. You can't expect a squid to answer a tough question without inking about it first.
116. You don't have to be a brain sturgeon to come up with a fish pun.
117. You're blushing like a catfish that's just seen the bottom of the ocean.
118. You're clearly a Dab hand at this.
119. You're not quite up to scale.
120. You've met your nemo-sis.

Best Fish Jokes

1. What do you use to catfish on the Internet? You have to use clickbait.
2. What does a catfish chase after? A string ray
3. What do you call a fish on a plane? Flying fish.
4. What's a pelican's favorite sport? Fly fishing
5. Where does a fish end-up when it flies? A magic carp.
6. A fish walks into a bar. It took him 395 million years.
7. A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish What can I get you?The little fish replies (gasping) Water I need water
8. A man walks into a bakery with a salmon under his arm and says do you have fish cakes? The chap behind the counter replies, No.
That's a pity, it's his birthday.
9. Did you hear about the brawl at the fish and chip shop? Many fish were apparently battered
10. Did you hear about the evil tuna? He was rotten to the albacore.
11. Did you hear about the fight in that restaurant? Four fish were battered
12. Did you hear about the fish that went to the gym? He pulled a muscle
13. Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt? Now he's a bronze fish.
14. Did you hear about the guy on trial for murder trying to get off with an insanity plea by pretending he's a fish? He was trying to be coy
15. Did you hear about the illiterate fisherman? He was lost at C.
16. Give a man a fish and he will have a meal. Teach a man how to fish and he will spend thousands of dollars on fishing equipment.
17. Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. What happens if you teach a man to duck? He avoids walking into a bar.
18. How can you tell the puffer-fish had too much salt at dinner? He's looking blow-ted.
19. How did the oyster manage to hide from the fish? Clamouflage.
20. How do fish go into business? They start on a small scale.
21. How do religious fish always start off their prayers? Dear cod.
22. How do shellfish get to the hospital? In a clambulance.
23. How do shellfish take photos? With a clam-era.
24. How do you call a fish that has trouble walking? Limpin Karp
25. How do you catch a fish with a computer? Use click bait.
26. How do you catch a unique zebrafish? Unique up on it.
27. How do you keep a fish from smelling? Chop of its nose.
28. How do you make a goldfish age? Take out the g and fish.
29. How do you make an octopus laugh? Give it ten-tickles.
30. How do you spot a cinderella fish? They have glass flippers.
31. How do you talk to a fish? You drop it a line.
32. How do you tuna fish? Adjust their scales.
33. How does a school of fish keep up to date about sea life?They listen to the current news.
34. How does a shark greet a fish? Pleased to eat you
35. How much money does Gill Gates have? About a gillion dollars.
36. I bought the love of my life some fish from Washington, but she dumped me immediately afterwards. Oh well, there's plenty more fish in DC.
37. I feel so GILL-ty.How do fish go into business? They start on a small scale
38. I have a fish that can breakdance Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
39. I kept asking the aquarium owner about the walking fish. He said ‘you axolotl questions'
40. I made some fish tacos last night. They just swam right past them.
41. I met a fish from the future and asked him what his favorite genre of music was. He answered: Future Bass.
42. I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
43. I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in. It was Adele, rolling in the deep.
44. I used to look for shellfish at my local beach every day until one day when I pulled a mussel.
45. I watched a movie about fishing. It had a great cast in it.
46. I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish. I call them beta bettas.
47. I've never had Fish Fingers. I didn't know fish had hands.
48. If a fish got the main role in a movie, what would it be called?Starfish.
49. It is a known fact that the swordfish is the best-dressed animal in the ocean. He always dresses sharp
50. Last night I made fish tacos. They looked at them and just swam away.
51. My child will not eat fish, what can I replace it with? A cat. Cats love fish.
52. My friend thinks he's a fish but he's wrong. He's living in the Nile.
53. My pet fish is a gamer. His favorite game is cod
54. My therapist told me to put a fish tank in my living room to ease stress and anxiety.
He said it would help because of their indoor fins.
55. Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me. Luckily, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
56. The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips… And even that I take with a pinch of salt.
57. There are plenty of fish in the sePlenty of whales too.
58. Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says… How do you drive this thing?
59. Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One bird asks the other one Does something smell a little fishy to you?
60. What competetion do fish enter? The Great British Hake Off
61. What day of the week do all fish dislike the most? Fryday.
62. What did a shark eat with its peanut butter sandwich? A jellyfish.
63. What did Dorothy the fish say? There's no plaice like home.
64. What did one fatty tuna say to the other? We're in this together, toro and toro.
65. What did the fish artist say to the art curator about his latest piece? Hey, would you mind letting minnow what you think about this one?
66. What did the fish dating guru say to the hopeful sea bass? If you're going for roe-mance, you'll want to consider the caviar.
67. What did the fish get on his math test? A sea plus.
68. What did the fish get on his math test? A sea plus.I'm sorry for all the fish puns.
69. What did the fish say to his friend who was acting extremely shy? Stop being so koi.
70. What did the fish say to his girlfriend when they split up? I'm outta this plaice
71. What did the fish say to his girlfriend? Your plaice or mine?
72. What did the fish say to the fisherman? No one will ever believe you.
73. What did the fish say when everyone left his party? Tanks for coming
74. What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Damn.
75. What did the fish say when he saw an old friend that he hadn't seen in ages? Long time no sea.
76. What did the fish say when his relationship started to flounder? Halibut we chat about it?
77. What did the fish say when it swam into the dam? Minnows.
78. What did the fish take to work? A b-reef-case.
79. What did the goldfish say when he got fed? Tank poo.
80. What did the goldfish say when he got his house cleaned? Tank poo.
81. What did the Mum shark say to the kid shark? Watch that sharkasm, young man
82. What did the pirate fish make the prisoner fish do? Walk the plankton.
83. What did the romantic fisherman want? A gill-friend.
84. What did the shark say after eating a clownfish? That tasted a little bit funny
85. What did the tunafish sandwich who woke up in Oz say? I've got a feeling we're not in cans-us anymore.
86. What do fish do when an emergency occurs? The sea kelp.
87. What do fish sing during winter? Christmas corals
88. What do fish take to stay healthy? Vitamin Sea.
89. What do fish use to help them hear? A herring aid
90. What do most male fish want? A gillfriend.
91. What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.
92. What do u call a fish with a bow tie? So-fish-ticated
93. What do whales have for dinner? They eat fish and ships.
94. What do you call a dog underwater? A Scooby diver.
95. What do you call a fake koi fish? A de koi.
96. What do you call a fish doctor? A Sturgeon.
97. What do you call a fish that can dunk? swooshi.
98. What do you call a fish that is not smart? A dumb bass.
99. What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna
100. What do you call a fish that provides woodland services, primarily pruning and treatments to preserve old or damaged trees. A tree sturgeon
101. What do you call a fish that won't shut up? A big-mouthed bass.
102. What do you call a fish that's switched on? A sam-ON
103. What do you call a fish with 10 eyes? Fiiiiiiiiiish.
104. What do you call a fish with cable? Telefishion.
105. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fisually impaired.
106. What do you call a fish with no legs? A fish.
107. What do you call a lazy Crawfish? A slobster.
108. What do you call a rich fish? Goldfish.
109. What do you call a singing fish? A tuna.
110. What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl? Nuclear fishin'.
111. What do you call two barracuda fish? A pairacuda.
112. What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with a P.E sock? A hook, line, and stinker
113. What does a fish wear to keep warm? A shoal
114. What does every fisherman want? A gillfriend.
115. What does the telephone solicitor fish say when the person they're calling picks up? Cod I have a moment of your time?
116. What fish sounds the most like a harp? A carp.
117. What fish travels 100 mph? A motor pike.
118. What happens when you mix a fish and a banker? A loan shark.
119. What is all the fish's favourite boyband? New squids on the block.
120. What is Jaws favourite meal? Fish n Ships.
121. What is the best way to communicate with a fish? Drop it a line.
122. What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna piano.
123. What is the most famous fish you can catch? A starfish.
124. What kind of fish belongs in a circus? A clownfish.
125. What kind of fish eats mice? A catfish
126. What kind of fish likes to try new food? Betta tester.
127. What kind of fish only comes out at night? A starfish.
128. What kind of instrument helps you catch fish? Castanets
129. What kind of music do fish listen to? Something catchy.
130. What kind of music do fish love to rave to? Drum and bass.
131. What makes fish terrible journalists? They always spread hake news.
132. What part of a fish weighs the most? The scales.
133. What type of instrument do fish love to play? A bass drum.
134. What was the fish who was a huge Rick Astley fan singing? Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you drown Never gonna swim around and splash you
135. What's the difference between a lawyer and a fish? One is a scum-sucking scavenger; the other is just a fish.
136. What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
137. What's the fastest fish in the lake? A motor-Pike.
138. What's the fish that makes this sound shhhhhhhhhhhhh ? The fried fish.
139. What's the laziest fish in the world? A Kipper.
140. What's the only right answer when a salmon asks you for a light? I didn't know you smoked, salmon.
141. What's weirder than seeing a cat fish? Watching a goldfish bowl.
142. Where are most fish found? Between head and tail.
143. Where did Noah keep all of the fish? In the multi-story carp ark.
144. Where do fish go to borrow money? A loan-shark.
145. Where do fish keep their money? In the riverbank.
146. Where do fish keep their money? In their octopurse.
147. Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed
148. Where do fish store their money? In a river bank.
149. Where do goldfish love to travel? Usually just around the globe.
150. Where do sick fish go? To see a sturgeon.
151. Where do you find a fish in orbit? Trouter space.
152. Where does a fish keep its money? A riverbank.
153. Where does a killer whale go for braces? The Orca-Dontist.
154. Which country do fish like to go for a vacation? Finland.
155. Which fish go to heaven? Angelfish.
156. Which fish is the biggest tool? A hammerhead shark.
157. Which musical instruments can catch fish? Castanets
158. Who do fish pray to? Cod Almighty.
159. Who is the fish's valentine? His Gil-Friend
160. Who's the wealthiest fish in the sea? Gill Gates, the flounder of Mackerelsoft
161. Why are dolphins smarter than humans? In the space of 2 hours, they can train a person to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
162. Why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish
163. Why are fish cleverer than people? Ever see a fish spend a fortune trying to catch a human?
164. Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales.
165. Why are fish so lucky? They seize every oppor-tuna-ty.
166. Why are fish so smart? They live in schools.
167. Why can't fish have romantic relationships? They are scared of intima-sea.
168. Why did Batman and Robin quit going fishing together? Because Robin ate all the worms
169. Why did the dog jump from the boat into the ocean? He thought he saw a catfish
170. Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
171. Why did the fish blush? Because the sea-weed
172. Why did the fish get bad grades? Because it was below sea level.
173. Why did the fish get detention? Because he was being too shellfish.
174. Why did the fish start a charity? He was reely good at findraising.
175. Why did the little boy not eat his sushi? Because it looked too fishy.
176. Why did the scuba divers start laughing when they got near the coral reefs? They saw a clownfish.
177. Why did the shopkeeper through the clams out? They were past their shell-by-date.
178. Why did the teenage fish get told off in school?Because he was talking on his shell phone.
179. Why did the woman make tons of fish-eye soup?Because it will see her through the week.
180. Why didn't Noah do much fishing on the ark? He only had two worms.
181. Why do fish always know how much they weigh? They have their own built in set of scales.
182. Why do fish always lose their court cases? They are always gill-ty.
183. Why do fish companies never work? They always have to scale back.
184. Why do fish eat worms? Because they get hooked on them
185. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze
186. Why do fish not go to war Because they are paci-fish-ts.
187. Why do fish swim in schools? Because they can't walk.
188. Why don't fish go into business together They are always sole traders.
189. Why don't fish like basketball? Because they're afraid of the net
190. Why is a fisherman so stingy? Because his work made him sell-fish.
191. Why is it so easy to weigh a fish? Because they have their own scales.
192. Why should you never fight an octopus?Because he's too well armed.
193. Why should you never invite a DJ to a fishing trip? They always drop the bass
194. Why was the shark angry about leaving the restaurant early? Because he couldn't even fin-ish his meal.
195. Why will fish never take responsibility? Because it's always salmon else's fault.
196. Yesterday I had a cup of coffee with a penguin. He said he would have preferred a fish.
197. You know how they create fishing lures? By casting them

Bait Jokes

1. How do you catch a Swedish fish? With a gummy worm as bait
2. What type of fish should you use to catch other fish? Beta fish.
3. What's worse than reading a clickbait title? Clicking on it.
4. Why couldn't the troll catch any fish? Because other people took the bait.