935+ Best Halloween Jokes: Get Ready to LOL this Halloween

Are you looking for some Halloween-themed jokes to add to your celebration? Whether you're looking for a good laugh or just want to lighten the mood during the spooky season, we've got you covered. In this article, we'll share some of the best Halloween jokes that will leave you howling with laughter. From silly puns to hilarious one-liners, these jokes are sure to be a hit with everyone. So, grab your favorite candy and get ready to LOL this Halloween!

Adult Jokes

How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night? Simple, use a skeleton key to unlock the gates.
How do you unlock a door on Halloween? With a spoo-key.
Know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
What do ghosts give out to trick or treaters? Booberries
What do you eat at a baseball game on Halloween? A frankenfurter.
What Halloween candy is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE
What is a goblin's favorite type of cheese? Monster-ella.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.
Who did Frankenstein go trick or treating with? His ghoul friend.
Why are spirits so lonely? They have no body to love.
Why can't the boy ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
Why did the scarecrow stand-up comedian fail? Because all his jokes were corny.
Why do cemeteries contain the best stories? Because they have so many plots.
Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.

Best Jokes

What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey, how's your mummy?
What do you call a witch's garage? A broom closet.
What do you get when you throw a pumpkin out a window? Squash
What do you use to fix a broken pumpkin? A pumpkin patch.
What does a vampire never order from the menu? The stake.
What does it feel like to get kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.
What ran all the way around the haunted house? A fence.
What's a ghost's favorite Halloween game? Hide and shriek.
Where does Dracula save his money? In a blood bank.
Who sells vampires' favorite cookies? The Ghoul Scouts.
Why are twin witches so hard for teachers in class? They never know which witch is which.
Why did the kids put Halloween candy under their pillows? They wanted to have sweet dreams.
Why did the skeleton quit her job? Her heart just wasn't in it.
Why did the vampire read the local paper? He heard it had great circulation.
Why didn't the scarecrow eat Halloween candy? He was already stuffed.
Why do demons and ghouls get along so well? Because demons are a ghouls best friend
Why do vampires make cheap dates? Because they eat necks to nothing.
Why don't mummies like to go on vacation? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why was the mummy still single? He was too wrapped up in himself.

Comical Jokes

How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
How do you know a mummy caught a cold? It starts coffin.
How do you make a skeleton laugh? You tickle his funny bone
How do you turn the lights out on Halloween night? Use the lights witch.
What did a zombie tell the other? Get a life
What did Dracula say about his wife? It was love at first bite.
What did Frankenstein say when he woke up from his nap? I had a shocking dream.
What did one ghost say to the other? Do you believe in humans?
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? You sure are boo-tiful
What do ghosts dress up in on Halloween? Pillowcases.
What do you call an observant wolf? Awarewolf.
What do you call two married spiders? The newly webs.
What do you call two spiders that were just married? Newley webbed.
What does a ghost call a mistake? A boo boo.
What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner? They gave him the cold shoulder.
What is a monster's favorite game? Hide and shriek.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.
What kind of dog does a vampire have? A bloodhound.
What made the witch go to the hospital? She had a dizzy spell.
What monster is the best dancer? The Boogie Man.
What monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein
What position does a ghost play in hockey? Ghoulie.
What room does a ghost not need? A living room.
What transportation does a skeleton take? A skelecopter.
Where can a monster get a tattoo? At Monster's Ink.
Where do ghost parents take baby ghosts? Day-scare.
Where do ghosts like to go swimming? The Dead Sea.
Where do ghosts love to vacation? Mali-boo.
Which Halloween monster is good at math? Count Dracula
Who won the skeleton beauty pageant? No-body.
Why are ghosts terrible liars? You can see right through them
Why did the baby ghost cry? He missed his mummy.
Why did the ghost cancel his comedy show? He didn't want to get booed.
Why did the ghost get a ticket on Halloween? He didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the skeleton quit his job? His heart was not in it.
Why didn't the skeleton go to see a scary movie? He didn't have the guts.
Why is a cemetery the best place to write a story? Because it has so many plots

Corny Jokes

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...But his brother Frank was a monster
What do ghosts do at sleepovers? They tell scary human stories
What's a ghost's favourite dessert? I scream.
When do ghosts eat breakfast? In the moaning
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the boos.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.
Why didn't the zombie cross the road? They didn't have the guts
What did the zombies say to these jokes? These are so good, they're killing me.
What do little ghouls and boys study in algebra? Pumpkin pi.
What do you call a moon out of orbit? A lunatic.
What's a teenage ghost's favorite song? Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun.
Why are all mummies workaholics? They're afraid to unwind.

Cute Jokes

How do you spell candy with only two letters? C and Y.
How does the scarecrow like to drink his milk? With a straw.
What do skeletons order at restaurants? Spare ribs.
What does a ghost put on his turkey? Grave-y.
What does a werewolf eat for breakfast? A pooched egg.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal? Bone Appetit
What is a ghost's favorite kind of drink? Ghoul-aid.
What is a monster's favorite cheese? Munster.
What is a mummy's favorite thing to eat for lunch? A chicken wrap.
What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit? A straw-berry.
What is a skeleton's favorite snack? A cinnabone.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of bean? A human bean.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of food? Brain food.
What is a zombie's least favorite candy? Life Savers.
What is Dracula's favorite cake flavor? Vein-ella.
What kind of cereal does a ghost have for breakfast? Rice Creepies.
What tops off a mummy's ice cream sundae? Whipped scream.
What's a ghost's favorite yogurt flavor? Boo-berry
Where do ghosts shop for all of their meals? The ghostery store.
Where does a vampire eat his lunch? In the casketeria.
Why couldn't the coffee bean go to the Halloween party? It was grounded.
Why did the scarecrow decline dessert? He was already stuffed.
Why do skeletons love to drink milk? It's good for the bones.
Why don't monsters eat popcorn with their fingers? They eat fingers separately.
Why don't witches like Starbucks coffee? They prefer to brew their own.
Why was all of the food gone at the end of the Halloween party? Everyone was a goblin.
Why was the candy corn booed off the stage? All of his jokes were too corny

Dad Jokes

Albert Einstein was a genius... but his brother Frank was a monster
How do spiders communicate? The World Wide Web
How do you get a werewolf to stop chasing you? Throw a stick and say, fetch
How do you get rid of demons? Exorcise a lot.
How does a scarecrow drink his juice? With a straw
How many cannibals does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know but you really shouldn't be in the dark with a cannibal.
I dropped my pumpkin yesterday. Jack-o-lantern? More like crack-o-lantern
I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
Knock knock Who's there? Ben. Ben who? Ben waiting here all day to get some candy.
Knock knock Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, I'm not that scary
Knock knock. Who's there? Philip. Philip, who? Philip my bag with sweets NOW
Monsters are campaigning for a national holiday. They want to call it Fangs-giving.
What did one ghost say to the other ghost? Do you believe in people?
What did one zombie surfer say to the other? Creepin' it real.
What did the bat say to the other bat? Want to hang out?
What did the ghost bring her girlfriend? A boo-quet
What did the happy pumpkin say? Life is gourd
What do dentists hand out at Halloween? Candy. It's good for business.
What do fisherman say on Halloween? Trick or trout.
What do horses dress up as for Halloween? Night mares.
What do Italian ghosts have for dinner? Boo-ghetti
What do owls say when they go trick or treating? Happy Owl-ween.
What do witches eat for lunch? Sand-witches.
What do you call a chicken that haunts your house? A poultrygeist.
What do you call a fat pumpkin? A plumpkin.
What do you call a horse that you only see after dark? A night-mare.
What do you calla ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
What do you do with a green monster? Wait until it's ripe.
What do you get when you cross Halloween with rugby? Drop ghouls.
What does Lucifer eat for breakfast? Deviled eggs.
What happened to the couple who didn't pay their exorcist? Their house got repossessed.
What is a ghost's favorite theme park ride? Roller-ghost-ers.
What is a werewolf's favorite weekday? M-ooooooo-nday
What is the name of a chicken that haunts your house? A poultrygeist.
What is the skeleton's funniest bone? The humerus
What is zombie Shakespeare's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet
What room is left out of a ghost's house? The living room.
What types of TVs are in haunted houses? Wide scream TVs.
What was the chicken ghost's name? Poultrygeist.
What Would you find on a haunted beach? A Sand-witch
What's a ghost's favorite drink? Ghoul-aid.
What's a skeleton's favorite song? Bad to the Bone.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A Neck-tarine.
Where do ghosts go on vacation? Lake Erie.
Where do mummies like to swim? The Dead Sea.
Which key opens a haunted house? A spook-key
Which monster loves to dance? The Boogieman
Who are the werewolf's cousins? What-wolf and when-wolf.
Who's the scariest body builder of all time? Dr. Frankenstein.
Why are mummies good employees? They get wrapped up in their work.
Why are skeletons always so calm? Nothing gets under their skin
Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
Why can't ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
Why did the monster's team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
Why did the vampire need to wash its mouth? It had bat breath.
Why do skeletons hate parties? They have no-body to dance with.
Why do you see so much hair when a werewolf drops his pants? Because it's a full moon.
Why don't I like Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
Why don't they play music in skeleton church? They don't have organs
Why don't werewolves ever know the time? Because they're not whenwolves.
Why was the daddy monster so proud? His son became grew-some

Funny Jokes

Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was totally batty.
Did you hear about the monster who ate his own house? He was homesick.
Did you hear about the zombie that took a nap? It was dead tired.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
hat's a ghost's favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
How are vampires like false teeth? They both come out at night.
How can you tell that vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
How do scarecrows like to drink? With a straw.
How do vampires like movie stars? Medium rare.
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? You use a pumpkin patch.
How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night? Use a Skeleton Key to unlock the gates
How do you make a witch scratch? Take away the ‘w'
How do you write a book about Halloween? With a ghost-writer.
How does a ghost get its girlfriend's attention? Hey, boo
How does Darth Vader like his toast? A little on the Dark Side.
How does Dracula stay fit? He plays bat-minton
How does Frankenstein get around town? Monster truck
How much does a bone car cost? A skeleton-ton
hy is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there
I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day. I knew it would come back to haunt me.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? It's just a joke you don't cry about it
On what road does the zombie family live? The dead end
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations
Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress greets them and asks what they'll be drinking. The first vampire orders a glass of O Positive. The second orders a glass of AB Negative. The third replies, I'm the designated driver. Just a glass of plasma for me. The waitress calls out their order, Gimme two bloods and one blood lite
Two ghosts are in a jail cell. The first says, Hey I'm in for disturbing the peace. What got you in here? The second ghost says, Possession.
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do? The other monster replied, Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.
Two monsters were at a Halloween party when one said to the other, A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do? The other monster replied, Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.
Wanna know why skeletons are so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
What are two witches living together called? Broommates.
What day do ghosts do their howling? On Moan-day
What did the baby zombie want for her birthday? A deady bear.
What did the fisherman say on Halloween? Trick or trout.
What did the ghost say to the host at the party? I'm only here for the BOOS
What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween? A night mare.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street? Buckle your sheet belt
What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'll have two beers and a mop.
What did the skeleton wear to the Halloween party? A human costume.
What did the wizard say to the twin witches? Which witch is which?
What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? Pillowcases.
What do birds say on Halloween? Twick or tweet.
What do black cats like to eat on hot days? Mice cream cones.
What do demons eat for breakfast? Deviled eggs.
What do devil's drink? Demonade.
What do ghosts eat for dessert? Ice scream.
What do ghosts turn on in summer? The scare-conditioner
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're thirsty on Halloween? Ghoul-aid
What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Potato ships
What do skeletons fly around in? A scareplane or a skelecopter.
What do skeletons say before they begin eating? Bone appetit
What do spooks with poor eyesight wear? Spook-tacles
What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray.
What do witches put on to go trick-or-treating? Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
What do you call a hip jack-o'-lantern? Waaay ahead of the carve.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing in it? A hollow-weenie.
What do you call a mummy eating in bed? A crummy mummy.
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.
What do you call witches who live together? Broom mates
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope that its Halloween.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bam-BOO.
What does a ghost do to stay safe in a car? Puts on his sheet belt.
What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee? A boo-boo.
What does a ghost need to go spook forest creatures? A haunting license
What does a ghost teacher say to their students? Watch the board and I'll go through it again
What does a ghoul put on its pizza? Monster-ella cheese
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? The stake sandwich.
What does Count Dracula use to cross the sea? A blood vessel
What does every ghost receive to start their rock collection? A tombstone.
What does it take to become a zombie? Deadication.
What does the ghost call his sweetheart? His ghoul friend.
What game do young ghosts love? Hide and shriek
What goes Ha-ha-ha-ha right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing? A monster laughing its head off
What Halloween candy should you give trick-or-treaters if you want them to think you're rich? A 100 grand candy bar
What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
What happens when two vampire bats meet? Love at first bite
What happens when two vampires meet? Love at first bite
What hunting tools do Australian ghosts use? BOO-merangs
What is a ghost's favorite day of the week? Fright-day
What is a ghost's favourite bedtime story? Little Boo Peep
What is a ghost's favourite party game? Hide-and-shriek.
What is a ghoul's favourite flavour? Lemon and slime.
What is a recess at a mortuary called? A Coffin Break
What is a scarecrows favorite fruit? STRAW-berries.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel.
What is a vampire's favourite ice cream flavor? Veinilla.
What is a vampire's pet peeve? A Tourniquet
What is a witch's favourite class? Spelling.
What is Dracula's favourite ice-cream flavour? Vein-illa
What is it called when Dracula rearranges his furniture with his teeth? Fang-shui.
What is something the maker doesn't want, the buyer doesn't use, and the user doesn't see? A coffin.
What is the first sign your house is haunted? Your sheets are missing.
What kind of bread do zombies like? Whole brain.
What kind of cheese do monster's eat? Monsterella
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
What kind of monster is the best dancer? The boogieman.
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
What kind of pie do ghosts like? BOO-berry
What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones.
What kind of underwear do mummies wear? Fruit of the Tomb.
What kinds of pants do ghosts wear? Boo-jeans.
What makes trick-or-treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which
What song do vampires hate? You Are My Sunshine
What sound do witches make when they eat cereal? Snap, Cackle & Pop
What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? Candy CORNeas.
What type of coffee does a vampire drink? De-coffin-ated
What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires? Fangs-giving
What's a bird's favorite Halloween game? Ducking for apples
What's a ghost's favorite ride? A roller-ghoster.
What's a little ghost's favorite dessert? I-scream.
What's a mummy's favorite type of music? Wrap.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? A sax-a-bone.
What's a werewolf's go-to pickup line? Howl you doin', good lookin'?
What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A grave problem.
What's the best way to get rid of a demon? Exorcise a lot.
What's worse than being a five-ton witch on Halloween? Being her broom
When do cows turn into werewolves? During the full moooooon.
Where did the ghost go on holiday? The Boohamas.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers
Where do fashionable ghosts shop? Bootiques.
Where do ghosts buy stamps? At the ghost office.
Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store
Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat? Dead ends.
Where do ghosts mail letters? The ghost office.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the dead sea.
Where do vampires eat their lunch? At the casketeria.
Where do werewolves store their Halloween treats? In a were-house.
Where do you find the spookiest sweets on Halloween? The ghost-ery store.
Where does a vampire keep his money? A blood bank.
Where does Dracula keep his money? At the blood bank.
Where does Dracula keep his money? In a blood bank.
Where is the best place to party on Halloween? The g-RAVE-yard.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man
Who did the scary ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up
Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club.
Who's in charge of the candy corn? The kernel.
Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them
Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies? You can see right through them.
Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees? They're LUMBARjacks
Why can't a vampire go to a barbecue? They're afraid of stakes.
Why can't you invite twin witches to a party? You can never tell witch witch is witch
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin.
Why did Dr Jekyll cross the road? To get to the other Hyde
Why did the baby wrap itself in white cloth strips? It was just trying to be just like its mummy.
Why did the Cyclops give up teaching? He only had one pupil
Why did the Headless Horseman go into business? To get ahead in life
Why did the monster eat bullets? She wanted her hair to grow out in bangs
Why did the monster eat the lightbulb? Because he needed a light snack
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree? Because a dog was after his bones
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop
Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.
Why did the witch take a nap? She needed to rest a spell.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? He was too wrapped up in himself.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the street? He didn't have any guts.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? He didn't have any body to go with.
Why do ghosts hate when it rains on Halloween? It dampens their spirits.
Why do ghosts like sales? They're bargain haunters
Why do ghosts like to hang out at bars? Because all of the Boos.
Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? It raises their spirits.
Why do ghosts love going to Six Flaggs? Because they can ride lots of roller-GHOST-ers.
Why do ghosts never date each other? Someone is bound to ghost.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles? Because they just had their brains scooped out
Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves.
Why do they put fences around the graveyard? People are dying to get in.
Why don't angry witches ride their brooms? They're afraid they'll fly off the handle.
Why don't mummies take the day off? They don't want to unwind.
Why don't people like Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story? Because there are so many plots there
Why is a ghost so bad at lying? Because you can see right through him
Why is it hard to have twin witches as your friends? Because you can never tell which witch is which.
Why is it so unpleasant to hang out with Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because Seven ‘Ate' Nine
Why was the cemetery chosen to be the perfect location to write a movie? Because it had great plots.
Why was the mummy so tense? He was all wound up.
Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? It had no guts.

Ghost Jokes

Did you hear about the ghost party? It was loud enough to wake the dead.
How do ghosts apply for jobs? They fill out apparitions.
How do ghosts do their makeup? They use vanishing cream.
How do ghosts predict the future? They check their horror-scope.
How do ghosts search the web? They use ghoul-gle.
How do ghosts stay fit? They keep up with regular exorcise.
How do ghosts unlock doors? With spoo-keys.
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.
How do you know you've been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
How does a ghost sneeze? Ah, ah, ah BOO
What are a ghost's favorite rides at the fair? The scary go-round and the roller-ghoster.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom
What did ghosts drink at the party? Ghoul-aid.
What did the ghost say when it fell? I got a boo boo.
What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting? Spook when you're spooken to.
What did they say about the girl who married a ghost? I don't know what possessed her
What do baby ghosts drink? Evaporated milk.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? BOO-ties.
What do female ghosts sing on Halloween? Ghouls just want to have fun
What do female ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing Cream
What do ghosts drink? Ghoul-aid.
What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-ghetti.
What do ghosts like to eat? Spookghetti.
What do ghosts love to drink? Ghoul Aid.
What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
What do ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing cream.
What do ghosts use to style their hair? Scare-spray.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-BOO.
What do ghosts wear on Halloween? Boo-jeans.
What do ghosts wear to see better? Spooktacles.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? Fasten your sheet-belts.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-boo.
What is a ghost's favorite dessert? BOO-berry pie.
What is a ghost's favorite fairytale? Sleeping Boo-ty.
What is a ghost's favorite ride? A roller ghost-er.
What is a ghost's favorite time of day? Moaning time.
What is a ghost's favourite dessert? Eye-scream.
What is a ghost's favourite yoghurt flavour? Boooooooberry
What is a ghost's nose full of? Boooooogers
What is a little ghost's favorite toy? Boo-merangs.
What is in a ghost's nose? Boo-gers.
What is one room you won't find in a ghost's house? A living room.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Ma-scare-a.
What kind of muffins do ghosts prefer? Boo-berry.
What kind of shoes do ghosts wear? Boo-ts.
What medicine do ghosts take when they have a cold? Coffin drops.
What was the ghost's favorite ride at the fair? The scary-go-round Or the rollerghoster
What's a ghost's favorite dessert? I-Scream
What's a ghost's favorite dinner? Spook-etti.
What's a ghost's favorite kind of street? A dead end.
What's a ghost's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliette.
What's a ghost's favorite song? America the Boo-tiful.
What's a ghost's favorite vacation spot? Lake Eerie.
What's a ghoul's favorite game on Halloween? Hide-and-ghost-seek.
When do ghosts like to go trick or treating? In the moaning.
Where do baby ghosts go while their parents work? Day-scare.
Where do ghosts buy their food? The ghostery store.
Where do ghosts go on holidays? The BOO-hamas.
Where do ghosts go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Where do ghosts go to trick or treat? A dead end.
Where do ghosts like to go shopping? Boo-tiques.
Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea
Where do ghosts shop? Boo-tiques.
Where do mommies take their baby ghosts? To day-scare.
Where do mummy and daddy ghosts take their babies during the day? Day scare.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-BOO.
Which position do ghosts play in football? Ghoul-keeper.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
Who protects the shores where spirits live? The Ghost Guard.
Why are ghosts cowards? They've got no guts.
Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them.
Why aren't ghosts popular at parties? They're not much to look at.
Why can't the man ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie (Maybe leave this one until the kids aren't around)
Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the ghost cross the road? He wanted to return from the other side.
Why did the ghost go to the doctor? To get a booster shot.
Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
Why did the ghost ride the elevator? To lift its spirit.
Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
Why did the ghost take his new girlfriend to his hometown? He wanted his boo to see his old haunts.
Why did the police officer ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn't have a haunting license.
Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Why do ghosts go to the pub? For boos.
Why do ghosts go to theme parks? They love roller-ghost-ers.
Why do ghosts hate rain on Halloween? It dampens their spirits.
Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? They've got loads of spirit.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why don't ghosts do standup comedy? They always get booed.
Why don't ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
Why don't ghosts shower? It dampens their spirits.
Why was the mute ghost sad on Valentine's Day? He couldn't find a boo.

Kids Jokes

Did you hear about the ghost party? It was loud enough to wake the dead.
How do ghosts apply for jobs? They fill out apparitions.
How do ghosts do their makeup? They use vanishing cream.
How do ghosts predict the future? They check their horror-scope.
How do ghosts search the web? They use ghoul-gle.
How do ghosts stay fit? They keep up with regular exorcise.
How do ghosts unlock doors? With spoo-keys.
How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.
How do you know you've been ghosted? The poltergeist doesn't text you back.
How does a ghost sneeze? Ah, ah, ah BOO
What are a ghost's favorite rides at the fair? The scary go-round and the roller-ghoster.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing? Get a broom
What did ghosts drink at the party? Ghoul-aid.
What did the ghost say when it fell? I got a boo boo.
What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting? Spook when you're spooken to.
What did they say about the girl who married a ghost? I don't know what possessed her
What do baby ghosts drink? Evaporated milk.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? BOO-ties.
What do female ghosts sing on Halloween? Ghouls just want to have fun
What do female ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing Cream
What do ghosts drink? Ghoul-aid.
What do ghosts eat for dinner? Spook-ghetti.
What do ghosts like to eat? Spookghetti.
What do ghosts love to drink? Ghoul Aid.
What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
What do ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing cream.
What do ghosts use to style their hair? Scare-spray.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-BOO.
What do ghosts wear on Halloween? Boo-jeans.
What do ghosts wear to see better? Spooktacles.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? Fasten your sheet-belts.
What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-boo.
What is a ghost's favorite dessert? BOO-berry pie.
What is a ghost's favorite fairytale? Sleeping Boo-ty.
What is a ghost's favorite ride? A roller ghost-er.
What is a ghost's favorite time of day? Moaning time.
What is a ghost's favourite dessert? Eye-scream.
What is a ghost's favourite yoghurt flavour? Boooooooberry
What is a ghost's nose full of? Boooooogers
What is a little ghost's favorite toy? Boo-merangs.
What is in a ghost's nose? Boo-gers.
What is one room you won't find in a ghost's house? A living room.
What kind of horse do ghosts ride? A night-mare
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Ma-scare-a.
What kind of muffins do ghosts prefer? Boo-berry.
What kind of shoes do ghosts wear? Boo-ts.
What medicine do ghosts take when they have a cold? Coffin drops.
What was the ghost's favorite ride at the fair? The scary-go-round Or the rollerghoster
What's a ghost's favorite dessert? I-Scream
What's a ghost's favorite dinner? Spook-etti.
What's a ghost's favorite kind of street? A dead end.
What's a ghost's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliette.
What's a ghost's favorite song? America the Boo-tiful.
What's a ghost's favorite vacation spot? Lake Eerie.
What's a ghoul's favorite game on Halloween? Hide-and-ghost-seek.
When do ghosts like to go trick or treating? In the moaning.
Where do baby ghosts go while their parents work? Day-scare.
Where do ghosts buy their food? The ghostery store.
Where do ghosts go on holidays? The BOO-hamas.
Where do ghosts go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Where do ghosts go to trick or treat? A dead end.
Where do ghosts like to go shopping? Boo-tiques.
Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea
Where do ghosts shop? Boo-tiques.
Where do mommies take their baby ghosts? To day-scare.
Where do mummy and daddy ghosts take their babies during the day? Day scare.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-BOO.
Which position do ghosts play in football? Ghoul-keeper.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
Who protects the shores where spirits live? The Ghost Guard.
Why are ghosts cowards? They've got no guts.
Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them.
Why aren't ghosts popular at parties? They're not much to look at.
Why can't the man ghost have babies? Because he has a Hallo-weenie (Maybe leave this one until the kids aren't around)
Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the ghost cross the road? He wanted to return from the other side.
Why did the ghost go to the doctor? To get a booster shot.
Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
Why did the ghost ride the elevator? To lift its spirit.
Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
Why did the ghost take his new girlfriend to his hometown? He wanted his boo to see his old haunts.
Why did the police officer ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn't have a haunting license.
Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn't have a haunting license.
Why do ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures
Why do ghosts go to the pub? For boos.
Why do ghosts go to theme parks? They love roller-ghost-ers.
Why do ghosts hate rain on Halloween? It dampens their spirits.
Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders? They've got loads of spirit.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Why don't ghosts do standup comedy? They always get booed.
Why don't ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
Why don't ghosts shower? It dampens their spirits.
Why was the mute ghost sad on Valentine's Day? He couldn't find a boo.

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock Who's there? Dishes Dishes who? Dishes a very Halloween bad joke
Knock Knock Who's there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in
Knock Knock Who's there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me, please.
Knock Knock Who's there? Hans Hans who? Hans off my candy
Knock Knock? Who's there? Boo Boo who? Don't cry, it's only Halloween.
Knock Knock? Who's there? Eddie Eddie who? Eddie body home? It's Halloween
Knock Knock? Who's there? Figs Figs who? Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking
Knock Knock? Who's there? Ice cream Ice Cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost
Knock Knock? Who's there? IguanIguana who? Iguana eat all your candy.
Knock Knock? Who's there? Ivana Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood
Knock Knock? Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween?
Knock Knock? Who's there? Phillip Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy
Knock Knock? Who's there? Witch Witch who? Witch one of you has my candy?
Knock knock. Who's there? Boo Boo who? Don't cry, I'm just a trick or treater
Knock Knock. Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter open up quick, I have a funny Halloween joke to tell you.
Knock knock. Who's there? Candy. Candy who? Come on, candy door open any slower?
Knock Knock. Who's there? Eddie Eddie who? Eddie body home? It's Halloween.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Frank. Frank who? Frankenstein.
Knock Knock. Who's there? IguanIguana who? Iguana eat all your candy.
Knock Knock. Who's there? IvanIvana who? Ivana suck your blood.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Jacklyn. Jacklyn who? Jacklyn Hyde.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad Halloween is already here?
Knock Knock. Who's there? Wanda Wanda who? Wanda go trick or treating tonight?
Knock Knock. Who's there? Witch Witch who? Witch one of you ate my candy?
Knock, Knock Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida whole bag of candy.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Al Al who? Al exchange Twizzlers for Skittles.
Knock, knock Who's there? Ash. Ash who? A zombie with a cold.
Knock, knock Who's there? Avery. Avery who? Avery scary ghost Run
Knock, knock Who's there? Bat. Bat who? Bat you don't know who's knocking
Knock, knock Who's there? Bean. Bean who? Bean waiting for Halloween all year long.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Boo Boo who? Don't cry It's just my Halloween costume
Knock, knock Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo hoo, don't make a ghost cry.
Knock, knock Who's there? Butter Butter who? Butter open quick, I have a funny Halloween joke to tell you
Knock, Knock Who's there? Canoe Canoe who? Canoe please give me more candy.
Knock, knock Who's there? Creep. Creep who? Creep it down, you'll wake the dead.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Diane Diane who? I'm Diane to eat my Halloween candy.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Eddie. Eddie Who? Eddie body home? It's Halloween
Knock, knock Who's there? Eddy. Eddy who? Eddy-body will do for a zombie.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Essen Essen who? Essen it fun to listen to Halloween jokes.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Felix. Felix who? Felix-cited about Halloween.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Fozzie Fozzie who? Fozzie hundredth time, trick or treat
Knock, Knock Who's there? Frank Frank who? Frankenstein.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Ghost says Ghost says who? No, ghost says boo
Knock, Knock Who's there? Gladys. Gladys who? Gladys Halloween.
Knock, knock Who's there? Gwen. Gwen who? Gwen do you think Halloween will be here?
Knock, Knock Who's there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me.
Knock, Knock Who's there? HavanHavana who? Havana awesome time this Halloween.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Howl. Howl who? Howl you dress up for Halloween this year?
Knock, knock Who's there? Howl. Howl who? Howl-ween is here
Knock, Knock Who's there? Hutch. Hutch who? Bless you.
Knock, knock Who's there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream at zombies.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Imogen Imogen who? Imogen Halloween without trick or treating.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Iran Iran who? Iran over here to get some Halloween candy.
Knock, knock Who's there? IvanIvana who? Ivana suck your blood, blah
Knock, Knock Who's there? Justin Justin who? Justin time for Halloween.
Knock, knock Who's there? Minnie. Minnie who? Minnie people love Halloween.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Omar. Omar who? Omar gosh, that's a cool costume.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad it's Halloween.
Knock, knock Who's there? Owl. Owl who? Correct.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Phillip Phillip who? Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please
Knock, Knock Who's there? Robin. Robin who? Robin your candy jar.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
Knock, knock Who's there? Twig. Twig who? Twig or tweat.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Tyson. Tyson who? Tyson garlic around your neck to keep the vampires away.
Knock, Knock Who's there? Witch Witch who? Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?
Knock, knock Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Gesundheit.
Knock, knock Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you has the candy?
Knock, Knock Who's there? Woo Woo who? Yeah, I'm excited for Halloween too
Knock, Knock Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to give me more candy.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Ben. Ben who? Ben waiting for candy all day
Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Aw, don't cry, it's Halloween
Knock, knock. Who's there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in
Knock, knock. Who's there? Howl. Howl who? Howl you know who's here if you don't open the door
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Iguana. Iguana who? Iguana eat all your candy.
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Ivana Ivana Who? Ivana suck your blood
Knock, Knock. Who's there? IvanIvana Who? Ivana suck your blood
Knock, knock. Who's there? Norway. Norway who? Norway I will leave until I get candy
Knock, knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive Halloween
Knock, knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad it's finally Halloween?
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Phillip Phillip who? Phillip my bag with candy
Knock, knock. Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are practicing magic on Halloween?
Knock, knock. Who's there? Who. Who who? Are you being an owl for Halloween?
Knock, knock. Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you is giving me all your candy?
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Witch. Witch who? Witch one of you will give me Halloween candy?

Monster Jokes

How do monsters like their eggs? Terror-fried.
How many abominable snow monsters does it take to screw a lightbulb? Just one, but you have to believe in it first.
What do monster's sing to each other when they're feeling down? Always look on the fright side of life.
What do monsters like to watch movies on? Wide scream TVs.
What do you call a disney film about monsters? Poca-haunt-us.
What do you get when you cross monsters and Halloween? Trolls
What goes ‘hahahaha' right before a gigantic crash, but keeps laughing? A monster laughing its head off.
What happens to bees when they get swatted by the Walking Dead? They turn into zom-bees.
What is a monster's favorite bean? A human bean.
What is a monster's favorite dessert? I scream.
What is a monster's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Where do monsters buy cookies? Ghoul scouts.
Where do monsters like to party? At the g-rave-yard.
Which type of monster is the best dancer? The Boogeyman.
Who did the monster take to the prom? His ghoul friend.
Who do monsters buy cookies from? Ghoul scouts.
Why did the monster's mother knit him three socks for Halloween? She heard he grew another foot
Why didn't the zombie go to school? He felt rotten.
Why do monsters love writing books in a cemetery? Because they have great plots.
Why does Frankenstein's monster always finish his dinner first? Because he bolts it down.

Mummy Jokes

What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling
What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
What music do mummies like? Wrap music.
What song does a mummy like to dance to? Walk Like An Egyptian.
What time do mummies eat their breakfast? Whenever they catch you.
What's a mummy's favorite food? Wraps.
Where do mummies like to go for a swim? The Dead Sea.
Where does a mummy go on vacation? The Dead Sea.
Why couldn't the mummy go to school with the witch? He couldn't spell.
Why didn't the boy's mother dress up for halloween? She was already a mummy.
Why don't mummies have friends? Because they're too wrapped up in themselves.

Pumpkin Jokes

How do gourds grow big and strong? Pumpkin iron.
How do pumpkins get paid? With pumpkin bread.
How do pumpkins mend a tear? With a pumpkin patch.
How do pumpkins quit smoking? They use a pumpkin patch.
How do you fix a broken Jack-o'-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out
What do you call a pretty pumpkin? Gourd-geous
What do you get when you divide your Jack-o'-lantern's circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-pi
What does a carved pumpkin celebrate? Hollow-een.
What does a pumpkin like to read? Pulp fiction.
What is a pumpkin's favourite sport? Squash.
What kind of canine do pumpkins prefer? Gourd-dogs.
What kind of pumpkins work at a pool? Life-gourds.
What's a pumpkin's favorite fruit? Orange.
What's a pumpkin's favorite genre? Pulp fiction.
What's a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash.
What's a pumpkin's favorite Western? The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly
What's the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
Where does a pumpkin preach? From the pulp-it.
Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
Why did he jack-o-lantern fail out of school? Someone scooped his brains out.
Why did the pumpkin go to jail? It had a bad seed.
Why did the pumpkin take a detour? To avoid a seedy part of town.
Why didn't Cinderella make the soccer team? Her coach was a pumpkin.
Why do people think the Jack o'Lantern had a crush on the girl who carved him? Everyone could see he held a candle for her.
Why do pumpkins bar hop? To get smashed.
Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
Why was the gourd so gossipy? To give 'em pumpkin to talk about.
Why was the Jack-o'-lantern forgetful? Because he's empty-headed.
Why was the jack-o'-lantern scared? Because it had no guts.

Halloween Puns

What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
What does the vampire's Valentine say? You're just my blood type.
What is a ghost's favourite fruit? Booberries
What type of plants do well on all Hallow's Eve? Bam-BOO
What's a monster's favourite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
Creep it real.
Ghouls just want to have fun.
Have some skele-fun this Halloween.
Let's get this party startled
Trick or treat yo'self
Witch-ing you a Happy Halloween

Skeleton Jokes

Did you hear about the skeleton who went to the hospital? He ate a jawbreaker.
Do you know any skeleton jokes? Yes, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.
How do skeletons know what is about to happen? They can feel it in their bones.
How do skeletons start their cars? With skeleton keys.
How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle their funny bones.
How does an angry skeleton confront his friend? I've got a bone to pick with you
If skeletons could be any ruler from history, who would they be? Napoleon Bone-a-Part.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck? Spare ribs.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend? Will you marrow me?
What do old skeletons complain about? Aching bones.
What do skeleton dogs eat? Milk bones.
What do skeletons learn about in history class? Napoleon Bone-a-Parte.
What do skeletons say before eating? Bone appetite.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton? A grim sweeper.
What do you call a cleaning skeleton? The grim sweeper.
What do you call a dumb skeleton? Bonehead.
What do you call a skeleton that refuses to clean up after themself? Lazy bones.
What do you call a skeleton that won't do any work? Lazy bones.
What do you call a skeleton who goes out in the snow? A numb-skull.
What do you call a skeleton who won't work? Lazybones.
What do you call a tired skeleton on Halloween? The Grim Sleeper.
What do you give a skeleton who is trick or treating? Spare ribs.
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone-Appetit.
What does a skeleton say before eating? Bone appetit
What instrument do skeletons play in the band? A sax-a-bone.
What instruments do skeletons play? Trom-bone.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument? The xyla-bone.
What is a skeleton's favourite drink? A full-bodied wine.
What kind of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
What musical instrument does a skeleton play? The trom-bone.
What type of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
What type of plates do skeletons like to use? Bone china.
What's a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone.
When is a skeleton joke bad? When you don't find it humerus.
Where did the skeleton keep his money? In the crypt-o market.
Where do skeletons love binge-watching their favorite shows? On the skele-vision.
Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Who is the world's best skeleton detective? Sherlock Bones.
Why can't skeletons play church music? Because they have no organs.
Why can't skeletons play music at a church? They have no organs.
Why did the skeleton climb a tree? A dog was after his bones.
Why did the skeleton laugh? Something tickled its funny bone.
Why did the skeleton put on a sweater? It was chilled to the bone.
Why did the skeleton quit playing football? His heart wasn't in it.
Why did the skeleton skip the prom? It had no body to go with.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
Why didn't the skeleton artist want to show his skull-ptures? Because his heart wasn't in it.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
Why didn't the skeleton go see the scary movie? He didn't have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton go to school? His heart wasn't in it.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party? He had no body to go with.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn't have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton use a towel after he took a shower? He was already bone dry.
Why do skeletons argue? They always have a bone to pick.
Why don't skeletons go trick or treating? They don't have the guts.
Why don't skeletons like the cold? It's bone-chilling.
Why don't skeletons like to go out in the winter? The cold goes right through them.
Why don't skeletons play music at church? They don't have any organs.
Why don't skeletons skydive? They don't have the stomach for it.
Why'd the skeleton go the grocery store? Its pantry was down to the bare bones.

Spooky Jokes

What do you call two witches living together? Broom-mates.
What does a witch use to do her hair? Scare-spray
Why was the broom late? It over swept.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween? He felt it in his bones.
How did the zombie become great a trick or treating? Dead-ication.
How do ghosts do their makeup before they go out trick or treating? They use vanishing cream.
How does a witch know the best time to go trick or treating? She checks her witch watch.
What did the child say when they had to choose between their tricycle and candy? Trike or treat.
What did the little boy say when she had to choose between a tricycle and candy? Trike or treat
What do birds give to trick or treaters? Tweets.
What do vampires take to get around on Halloween night? A blood vessel.
What does a turkey dress up as on Halloween? A goblin.
What does Bigfoot say when he asks for candy? Trick-or-feet
What happens when a vampire tries to trick or treat in the snow? Frost bite
What is a baby ghost's favorite game to play on Halloween? Peek-a-boo.
What is a monster's favorite halloween candy? Bugs and (Hershey's) kisses.
What is a vampire's favorite halloween candy? A sucker.
What is white, black and dead all over? A zombie trick or treating in a tuxedo.
What kind of car does Frankenstein drive on Halloween night? A monster truck.
When do zombies finish trick or treating? When they are dead tired.
Where do ghosts buy their Halloween candy? At the ghost-ery store
Where do ghosts like to trick or treat? At dead ends.
Where do werewolves store all of their Halloween candy? In a werehouse.
Which Halloween candy is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE
Which type of pants do ghosts wear to trick or treat? Boo jeans.
Who does a werewolf go trick or treating with? His cousins What wolf and When wolf.
Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween? His fang-club.
Why didn't anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula? Because he is a pain in the neck.
Why didn't the coffee bean go trick or treating? Because it was grounded.
Why didn't the mom let the little witch go trick or treating with her friends? She was ex-spelled from school.
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no-body to go with.
Why don't vampires eat a lot of Halloween candy? They're afraid of tooth decay.

Vampire Jokes

Did you hear about the new vampire laptop? It bytes.
Did you hear about the vampire feud? There was bad blood.
Did you hear about the vampire romance? It was love at first bite.
For Dracula's a jolly good fellow, his fangs are furry and yellow (Sang to the tune of He's a Jolly Good Fellow)
How can you spot a wealthy vampire? It has blue blood.
How can you tell when a vampire has stopped by a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
How did the vampire race finish? Neck and neck.
How do vampires flirt? They bat their eyes.
How do vampires start their letters? Tomb it may concern...
How do you know vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap
I kissed a vampire last Halloween. Do you know what it felt like? A pain in the neck
What can you catch from a vampire in winter? Frostbite.
What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue? Let's stop in for a cool one
What did the vampire say to his spouse? It was love at first bite.
What did the vampire say when she saw her reflection? Time to get a new mirror.
What do vampires use to get around? A blood vessel.
What do you call a vampire in trouble? A grave problem.
What do you call a vampire that likes to cook? Count Spatula.
What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula? You join his fang club.
What do you give a vampire when he's sick? Coffin-drops.
What happens when vampires get mad? It makes their blood boil.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday, besides Halloween? Fangs-giving.
What is a vampire's favourite fruit? Neck-tarine.
What is Dracula's favorite circus act? He always goes for the juggler
What shouldn't you serve a vampire for dinner? Steak.
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests
What's a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
What's a vampire's favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound.
What's a vampire's least favorite meal? A steak
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a total pain in the neck.
Where do vampires deposit their paychecks? At the blood bank.
Where do vampires keep their money? At the blood bank.
Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank.
Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? At the casketeria.
Who won the vampire race? No one — it was neck and neck.
Why are vampires bad at art? They are only able to draw blood.
Why are vampires so annoying? Because they are a real pain in the neck Get it? A pain in the neck, because they bite your neck —Deena, age 5
Why are vampires so easy to fool? Because they're suckers.
Why are vampires too easy to fool? Because they're suckers.
Why did Dracula take cold medicine? Because he was coffin too much.
Why did the vampire get glasses? It was as blind as a bat.
Why did the vampire go to the doctor? It was coffin.
Why do vampires avoid the cold? They don't want to get frostbite.
Why do vampires like reading Best Life? We have great circulation.
Why do vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.
Why do vampires need mouthwash? Because they have bat breath.
Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders.
Why do vampires use mouthwash? They have bat breath.
Why don't vampires get invited to parties? They're a pain in the neck.
Why were Dracula's pancakes so terrible? He got turned into bat-ter.

Witch Jokes

Have you heard about the poor witch who became a millionaire? It was a rags to witches story.
Have you seen the twin witches? I can't tell witch is witch
How are witches able to stay so positive? Witch-ful thinking.
How did the witch get around when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked.
How do witches keep their hair looking so good? Lots of scare- spray —Thomas, age 9
How do witches play loud music? On their broom boxes.
How does a witch style her hair? With scare spray.
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked home.
What do witches always order at hotels? Broom service —Lakeisha, age 9
What do witches ask for at a hotel? Broom service.
What do witches call their garage? A broom closet.
What do witches get when their shoes are too tight? Candy corns.
What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
What do witches request at a hotel? Broom service.
What do witches use to make their hair look perfect? Scare spray.
What do witches' cats eat for breakfast? Mice crispies.
What do you call a witch with a rash? An itchy-witchy.
What do you call a witch's spotless garage? A broom closet.
What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a billionaire? A very witch person.
What do you learn at witch school? Spelling.
What does a little witch use to bake? An easy bake coven.
What does a witch like to read in the newspaper? Her horror scope.
What happened to the badly behaved witch at school? She was ex-spelled.
What is a little witch's favorite school subject? Spell-ing.
What is a witch's favourite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch
What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don't know, but it's not working.
What noises do witches make when they eat cereal? Snap, cackle and pop.
What sound do witches' cereals make? Snap, cackle and pop.
What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What's a witch's favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
What's another word for a witch's garage? A broom closet.
What's the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
Why couldn't the little witch read her spellbook? It was written in curse-ive.
Why did the witch look so angry? She has a resting witch face.
Why don't witches wear flat caps? There's no point in it.
Why is a witch like a candle? They're both wicked to the core.
Why is Baba Yaga always late? She lost her witch-watch.
Why is it so hard trick or treating with twins? You never know which is witch.
Why shouldn't an angry witch go trick or treating on her broom? She might fly off the handle.
Did you hear about the witch that couldn't find work? It was a dry spell.
Did you hear about the witch that got school detention? She was ex-spelled.
What do witches' study in school? Spelling.
What should you get a witch on her birthday? A charm bracelet.
What's a witches' pick-up line? Hey, you've got hex appeal
Why did the angry witch leave her broom at home? She didn't want to fly off the handle.
Why did the witch cancel her speech? There was a frog in her throat.
Why do witches drink beer? They enjoy a good brew.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.

Zombie Jokes

Did you hear about the angry zombie? It got bent out of shape.
Did you hear about the zombie recital? The performance knocked ‘em dead.
Did you hear about the zombie the lost the race? It came in dead last.
Did you hear about the zombie valedictorian? It was dead-icated to its studies.
Did you hear about the zombie who bought a new car? It cost an arm and a leg.
How do you know if a zombie likes someone? They ask for seconds.
What brand of shampoo do zombies use? Head and Shoulders.
What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaains
What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love? A zom-com.
What do you call identical zombie twins? Dead ringers.
What do you call zombies in pajamas? The sleepwalking dead.
What do zombies order at the deli? Knuckle sandwich.
What does a zombie write on his dating profile? I love a woman with braaaains
What is a zombie sleepover called? Mass grave.
What is a zombie's favorite car? A monster truck.
What is a zombie's favorite snack food? YOU
What kind of music do zombies listen to? The Grateful Dead.
What sea do zombies swim in? The dead sea.
What should you do if there's a zombie attack? Play dead.
What time do zombies go to sleep? Whenever they're dead tired.
What's a zombie's favorite cereal? Rice Creepies.
What's a zombie's favorite cheese? Zom-brie.
What's a zombie's favorite treat? You might guess brain food, but it's actually eye candy.
What's a zombie's favorite weather? Cloudy, with a chance of brain.
What's a zombie's pick-up line? You're drop-dead gorgeous.
Where do zombies live? On a dead-end street.
Where do zombies swim? In the Dead Sea.
Where should you hide if you're being chased by zombies? The living room.
Why aren't zombies ever arrested? They can't be captured alive.
Why did everyone leave the zombie party? It wasn't very lively.
Why did the zombie become a mortician? To put food on the table.
Why did the zombie get fired? It missed its dead-line.
Why did the zombie lose the argument? It didn't have a leg to stand on.
Why did the zombie stay home from school? He felt rotten.
Why did the zombie take a nap? It was dead on its feet.
Why don't zombies like pirates? They're too salty.

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